19 Nov #21 My Thoughts on Infertility
After having an ectopic pregnancy at 19, it has affected the way that I think about infertility. You see, going through something like that at a young age can ignite fears within you that you didn’t realise would affect you for the rest of your life. How did this happen? Why did it happen? Will it happen again? One side of my tubes were tied because it was damaged beyond repair. And because I only had two, I don’t like to gamble with my last remaining one.
When the doctor tried to explain to me what had happened to my reproductive system and how it will change my life I could not hear a single thing. All I kept thinking was, “My parents are going to kill me.” I don’t even know which side of my fallopian tubes was tied. I do remember that he said when I want to get pregnant, I must come in and we consult about how best to go about it. Already this tells you that there is a cause for concern.
I don’t know of it’s the trauma of what I went through or the fear of being told I cannot have kids but I haven’t been to the gynae ever since. I enjoy not knowing for sure. I keep telling myself that I do not want kids but deep down I’d rather say I don’t want them than to say I cannot have them.
It’s a daunting feeling knowing that you could want something so badly that you cannot have. Where would you even meet a man who doesn’t want to have children? Where do you find understanding in-laws that get the complexity of your situation? This thing of meddling family members talking about how the sons of the family must carry on the family name is unnecessary pressure.
This is a humbling feeling. Not being able to have control over the fertility of your womb. If you have the financial resources, you could possibly seek medical attention outside the country. Most people cannot afford that and in their desperation they turn to alternative medicine and get conned by traditional healers, fake prophets and charlatan herbalists.
If you can relate to this post, please go see a doctor or a counsellor and get the help that you need.