16 Aug 26 in Retrospect
You couldn’t put a price tag on the amount of happiness that flowed through me as I turned 27. It was a genuine feeling of gratitude for everything! In the words of Juanitta Bynum, “If it had not been for the Lord who was on my side, where would I be?”
The last quarter of 2015 wasn’t too great for me. Everything was a mess and I was on a downward spiral towards a very dark space. I was a manic depressant every second day of the week and I was out of control. I was doing 180km/hour in the wrong lane and I couldn’t stop it. I came home from Harare and found my footing again. I decided to go on a spiritual purge.
I went through a weaning process from all the things I felt like were killing me. I drew up a list of things about me that I didn’t like and decided that I’ll change all of them.
I became so withdrawn and took a sabbatical. I refused to work or even to leave my house. I had issues I needed to work through and I couldn’t take anybody else along for the ride. It was torture! I had to deal with issues I had shelved for years.
I joined a new church and sought God with a ravenous desperation. He began a work in me and started to pull away the calluses from my heart and I began to feel again. All the issues that had been troubling me in my Egypt I saw them no more. He changed me.
For my 27th year I just want to preserve my salvation. Nothing or nobody is worth going back to the dark place that I just survived. I want to maintain my gratitude for what the Lord has done for me. My priorities are in order and I must pursue them with my lioness prowess. I will no longer be enchained by my own sorrows. Its time to make the life that I want and I understand now that we really are the decisions that we make.
God brought me so much closure about things that would keep me up late at night drenched in tears. I have concluded so many things that have been dragging on for too long. What you allow will continue until you do something to actually stop it. I went back to school to get my degree because I didn’t want yet another loose end or unfinished chapter. Done with that now and I have a renewed confidence and sense of accomplishment.
No more sugarcoating and walking around eggshells. My life isn’t a kitchen. I need to stop walking out every time it gets too hot. Imma trust the process and let God walk me through the fire and refine me.
There are little attitudes about yourself that you know you don’t like. What’s stopping you from altering them? Not for anybody but for yourself. List them and address them. You’ll thank me later!