08 Jan I Failed Me and I Still Fail Me
I have failed to do right by me in many areas of my life. I keep letting myself down and selling myself short. I am the thing that’s holding me back from the happiness I quest for and the love that I deserve.
I know exactly what I want, where I wanna go and what I need but I don’t put in the hours that are required. I don’t push myself hard enough. I haven’t the focus and the discipline. I am erratic and governed by a mixture of hormones and emotions. Before I start on an idea, I will maul it over in my mind until I get tired of the thought of that idea. I start belittling myself and I manage to discourage myself into thinking that it will never work before I even try. And should I try, when things start to feel tough, I give up and start something else. I don’t see things through. I must build on my resilience and endurance levels.
I don’t believe in my own capabilities enough. I’m afraid to start anything on my own. I always look for partners (crutches) which holds me back because they always have their own $0,02 about MY vision. Went to a church once that told me that I’m destined for wealth beyond measure. They told me that I need only start a project by myself and let God handle the rest. I am still to try this, the fear won’t let me try.
Even when I speak, I don’t believe that my word on its own is enough. I’ll always make reference to someone else that shares the same sentiments to back up what I’m saying. I have never felt like my word on its own was enough.
When clients come to me for my services, I tend to under charge because deep down I am afraid that I won’t be able to deliver what they have asked for. Went to an interview recently where they asked me how much I expect to earn and I told them minimum wage. They paid me a little extra (which was the going rate) and made it seem like it was from the kindness of their hearts. I suspect I only got the job because I was the cheapest option and I haven’t a doubt in my mind that my predecessor was making a helluva lot more than I was. I short-changed myself.
Write about your biggest failure you have endured