08 Jan I Haven’t Forgiven Myself
I gave a friend of mine bad advice and I feel like if I hadn’t, then maybe she’d still be alive today.
I was young and naive. I saw the world in black and white. Things were either wrong or they were right. You were good or you were evil. It was as simple as that. No middle ground. I believed in what I believe in and I believed it with every fibre of my being. I believed it secretly until I shared my beliefs. The beginning of the end.
When I met her, she seemed well enough. She made me happy. We would always be in sync. She would work on me while I worked on her. Our dreams were similar and our strengths were complementary of each other. It was a match made on The Apprentice.
As we got to know each other, she started to share with me the demons that were troubling her. It broke my heart because she was such a beautiful soul. I don’t even think anyone could find fault with her. I don’t know how a human could feel wronged by this angel on earth. I had to help her.
As time went on, I started to share my perspectives on her plight. My Saviour Syndrome was in aggressive form by then. I started to speak into a situation I didn’t know anything about. I meddled in businesses that weren’t any of mine. And she had to live with the consequences which may or may not have led to her untimely death.
Up to today, I still think that maybe if I had kept well enough alone then maybe she’d still be with us. I can’t forgive myself because I cannot reverse death or the hands of time. I feel so bad about the pain that her family continues to go through. The struggles that she encountered before the Lord called her to rest. The guilt still eats away at me. I couldn’t face her family. I didn’t attend the funeral. I still think about her and everytime I feel like giving advice, I just shut my trap.
What have you not been to forgive yourself for any why?