08 Jan I Played Small…But Never Again
I have an inferiority complex when it comes to how I relate with other people. And this often leads to people trampling all over me because I have placed them in a position where they feel like they are better than me.
When it comes to my dating life, I take the submission thing to the next level. I let him make all the decisions and hardly oppose because I dislike confrontation. I’d rather just suppress it and let it pass. Which is horrible because it starts to breed resentment and I start being rude for no reason.
I am never confident enough to express my feelings or to voice my opinions. Growing up, I was made to believe that my feelings weren’t important. But wasn’t this the case for every child born in Africa? I am scared to say something just in case I’ll be wrong. So I’d rather keep quiet and play small and agree just to keep the peace.
With people I work with, I always assume the smaller role. As a people pleaser, I start to help them with their tasks and more often than not, they start to take advantage of my weakness. Worked with this one lady, when we’d go for meetings I’d carry her laptop. I hardly ever carried my own. In the end, even though we were peers she ended up treating me like her intern. It’s a pity because I created this situation and I am only aware of it now.
When I was working in advertising, everytime I heard the big boss was upset or that the client was unhappy, I’d automatically assume that the fault was with me. That the concept was weak or that my copy sucked. I don’t why I like to play Jesus and carry the burden of the world.
I have never felt worthy of anything. Which is why I constantly feel the need to earn everything. When things go wrong I always assume that it’s my fault. Even if the whole country were to flood I’d probably think it’s because of me. It’s so ironic that someone who thinks so little of herself would think that she is the cause of most things. Funny huh?
Where are you playing small in your life?