17 Apr The Compliment That Was Hard to Pay
There’s a girl I haven’t been able to stand since high school. It was so strong a feeling that I even unfollowed her on Facebook. We are still friends but I don’t see her updates in my feed. I remember breaking into tears when I saw pictures of her engagement on Facebook. My heart was so broken. I didn’t even know the guy she was getting married to but I was negatively emotionally engaged in the matter. I didn’t understand why this girl would always get a rise out of me. Whatever she did just seemed to rub me the wrong way. No one else on this earth made me feel this way. And I hated feeling this way. I started to investigate why I disliked this girl so much. She had never looked at me the wrong way. Neither had she said a bad word at me or towards me. So why was enraged every time she put up a new post on Facebook?
I went back to where my deepest thinking is done, under the kitchen table. I really dug deep. I needed to understand why I hated God’s daughter. And then I had an epiphany. That girl was living my life. I was, dare I say it, jealous. This was a new feeling for me. An embarrassing feeling. Had never been envious of a human in my whole life and yet here I was. You can’t blame me though, this girl was living the life, my life. She had everything I had ever wanted and didn’t have. It sucked because I started to resent her for it. She became the human embodiment of weaknesses, deprivations and shortcomings. I didn’t hate her, I hated what she stood for. What she meant to me.
For the sake of #SheHeals and getting over stuff and coming out of my comfort zone, I decided to pay this girl a compliment and let go of all the emotional turmoil associated with her. I was terrified of being ridiculed in this era of screenshots and gossip group chats. It’s not easy admitting to your arch nemesis that you have been at war for years and they weren’t even aware of it. You were that insignificant to them. You’ve, quite frankly, been fighting yourself.
I sent her a lengthy message on Facebook outlining how proud I am of her and all that she has achieved. I listed to her the highlights of her life that I admired especially. It was such a draining experience but I was open and honest. It was a new level of vulnerability for me. As I wrote it, I figured out some of the things that I need to do in life. My priorities were put in perspective. And when I was done, I deleted the whole message and blocked her. She has no hold on me anymore. I have let all that mess go.