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The Eulogy I Was Too Devastated To Deliver

To the Soldier, Father, Reserve Bank of Daddy and the Best Thing To Ever Happen to Me.

When I got the call from the police at 4am about an accident, I didn’t even think for once that it could have been you. You had just picked me up from Pathfinder a couple hours ago. But I should have known something was off. The whole drive to Gogo’s house you drove with your hand in mine and kept telling me how much you loved me. I didn’t realise that was your way of saying goodbye. I just assumed you were excited to see me again. I had so much to tell you, but I thought I’d let you have your moment and would leave the rest for tomorrow. Looking back, I’m glad that you did all the talking and our last conversation was you telling me something that I never get tired of hearing. Your love is unlike any other that I have ever encountered. You taught me what it should look like when somebody loves and the standard you set is yet to be contested. Although I only grasped the extent of your love for me two years prior to your passing, I realise now that you have loved me from the get-go. Everything you did for me, putting your life on the line for me, I don’t take it for granted. You took a chance on me and risked everything. You fought for me and defended me at every point. Didn’t want to embarrass you not once! Always thought I’d do better and pay you back for everything you did for me and get you everything that was in your book of dreams. I was gonna fetch it for you the same way you always came for me when no one else would. You always gave of yourself. The sacrifices you made for us will always be appreciated. Things weren’t easy but we always remained top priority. Your kind spirit was unbreakable and your love for us was relentless. You just would not quit.

I leaned so much on you that when you left I didn’t even know where to start life without you. My crutches were kicked out from under me and the pillar of my strength was ripped out from beside me. We had our routine down on lock. The last two years meant everything to me. They healed the scars that I had grown up with and mended the wounds were inflicted upon me in the battle against the ‘you-know-what’s. I got to understand things on another level beyond human comprehension. For the first time in forever I didn’t feel alone as much. The storm that was within me began to cease and I didn’t feel the propensity to die as much. “I’ll love you enough for three parents,” and you always delivered on your promise. On more than once occasion you didn’t know it but you literally saved my life. I lived for our morning conversations over porridge. I got my gift of having an answer for everything from you. Not once did I ever come to you and you were out of ideas or solutions. Now I haven’t anybody to talk to cause you are the only one that ever understood me. It’s taken a while to get the hang of making decisions on my own without our pro’s and con’s table. I was lost for 5 months. Didn’t know who I was and what I was going to do. Most of my plans were our plans and had to go back to the drawing board on my own. I’ll always miss your wisdom and the little I got is much.

As mad as I am that you were taken from me, I see now that it was God’s plan. He gave you an expected end. You knew without knowing that the time had come. Thank you for EVERYTHING. I can’t list it because there is still so much more that you did for me that I may never know of. The things I know are already too much from a mere human. Your love for all of us was supernatural. I pray that every girl experiences the same love you had for me and my sisters from their daddies. When God created fathers not many were as blessed as I was to have a have on earth that was the epitome of my Father in heaven.

Now I have two fathers in heaven, may your soul rest in peace daddy.

I will always love you Nkululeko Zulu.

3 comments
  1. Ashley

    This is so heartfelt.I can relate to the pain of losing a father.Good thing you have a father in heaven who is there for all the fatherless.well written!

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