08 Jan The Things I Hate About Myself
You know that feeling when you confidently volunteer an answer and it’s wrong? That is the story of my life. I have been humiliated a couple of times in life which has led to me often second guessing myself from my thoughts, to my dreams, all the way up to my feelings.
I have never felt adequate.
What’s worse, being extra or never being enough? There are aspects of my life where I am unnecessarily extra, this is by design. Make no mistake about it. Then on the other hand, there are times when I feel like I’m short one of a set.
It’s an inferiority complex at its peak. I have never been able to please myself. Life has humbled me too many tomes for that to ever happen. What’s funny is that the times when I was cock sure that I nailed something, were the times I couldn’t be any more wrong. Pride does go before a fall. I can testify to that. So I have learnt humility. I may have overlearnt it because now I can’t even celebrate my little victories without being scared that they’ll be ripped out from under me.
I take things personally
I think too highly of myself when it comes to failures and disappointments. I consider myself Holy Joseph father of Jesus when it comes to unpleasant situations. I take on all the sins and faults of others when things go wrong. I’ll always find a way to blame myself for things that are way beyond my control. The control freak in me is under the disillusion that she can control everything. I need to be less hard on myself.