Thembi Terry's Blog | You Are Causing Me Pain
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You Are Causing Me Pain

You Are Causing Me Pain

​My best friend’s mother can’t stand the sight of me and I do not understand why.

Years ago, I got into it with my father and he asked me to leave his house, which I did. When that happened, my best friend’s parents took me in because I was stranded. I literally had nowhere to go. I stayed with them for a couple of weeks until I resolved things with my parents and moved back home. For their kindness, I was eternally grateful. They didn’t have to take me in, but they did. I was treated like a daughter by them.

Fast forward, the very same friend was going through something as well and she asked for my help. I didn’t hesitate. I was right there like white on rice. I was returning the kindness that she had shown me. Ride or Die and all of that. I didn’t realise what I was getting myself into.

The last time I saw her mum, she yelled at me and shredded my very core. Firstly, I don’t like being yelled at. Secondly, I don’t like being yelled at when I don’t understand my error. I was confused. How can a woman that had come to mean more to me than my own mother do this to me? When I’d meet her, she wouldn’t acknowledge my existence. She wouldn’t respond to my greetings. She wouldn’t even look in my direction and I don’t understand what earned me scorn of such proportions.

The cognitive dissonance theory kicked in and now dealing with my best friend brings me unnecessary discomfort. Conversing with her reminds me of the emotional distress that her mother has put me through. I can’t see my friend, just in case her mum shows up and reduces me to nothing with just one look. I cannot cope with all this so I stay away.

We tried having this conversation about why her mum is mad with me and all I heard is tea was spilt. What tea? We’ll never know. I never got the chance to properly express my gratitude for everything that that woman did for me. She will never understand how her actions may have saved my life.

Is there any relationship that’s been causing you pain?



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