Thembi Terry's Blog | You Can’t Change Him
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You Can’t Change Him

You Can’t Change Him

SUITRomantic comedies have misled women into thinking men are a TV channel that can be changed.

This is an error!

Most women have values. They have an ideal man characterised in their mind. They know what he sounds like. What he acts like. And chances are, they know how much he makes.

Then she meets a guy with one of the characteristics on her list. And she holds on with everything including claws and paws and hopes to g-d that all the other characterists she wants from him will suddenly blossom like some Bible parable.

SPOILER ALERT: They won’t!

Its like when you go shopping, if you don’t like it in the store, you won’t like it when you get home. So don’t bother hoping and praying that your feelings will change towards it cause the clothing item will not change at all for you to like it any better.

We are who we are based on our life experiences and our perceptions. Some of the things you wanna change in a person require you to travel back in time and repair a life event that made them who they are. Undo decades of a person’s way of life.

Its unfair to want to change somebody to suit your needs. Its like asking them to not be who they are anymore. Asking them not to be black. Asking them not to be male anymore. A person can want to change for you but it won’t last. Being someone that you are not is exhausting. Sooner or later, the real them will start to emerge again.

So what are you to do?

Don’t settle for less than you know you need. Stick to your guns. Find a man that fits the criteria. Of course nobody is perfect, decide what’s a dealbreaker and what isn’t. As long as you and him have the same fundamentals, the rest is trivial.

NB: These men are playing by a different set of rules altogether. They aren’t watching these rom-coms. He doesn’t know that the player in the movie changes to be a good guy for that one girl.



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