I’ve been seeing someone for a while now and it hit me, hard, that he doesn’t complete me.

I mean how could he complete me, isn’t he the one with the missing rib?

I am no one’s saving grace.

I’ve heard my fair share of love songs, wedding vows, biblical verses and romantic comedies. So I know that when I’m in a relationship, my man should bring me a sense of completion. Sisqo knew it. Backstreet boys knew it. So why have I been going through life as an unfinished puzzle with a missing piece?

That’s because it’s all nonsense.

I am whole. I am complete. I will meet a complete man and two whole humans will come together and build a home.

What’s wrong with this incomplete narrative?

This flawed thinking that without a spouse you are a spare sock that has no use unless it’s a pair is what’s ruining relationships today.

People are looking high and low for someone to make them whole from the inside. Humans are fragile, you can’t rely on someone that heavily. It’s not fair. They weren’t there when life chipped away at you and made you incomplete. Making you whole is an inside job. You need to rebuild yourself, gather yourself from the million pieces that life crushed you into and become whole again.

People who believe that they are incomplete until they have a mate will keep trying every fit in search of that glass slipper. Continually forcing square plugs into round holes because they believe the socket should always be occupied with something for it to have purpose. But forcing a fit leads to discomfort plus wear and tear.

If we continue to believe that we are incomplete we’ll always be in hot pursuit. We saw it in the parable of the lost coin/pearl. If you believe something is missing, you’ll stay chasing it. This is why a change in perspective is needed. Chasing is exhausting. The high hopes when you think you’ve found it dashed when you realise that it ain’t it. It’s emotionally exhilarating.

What if we stopped looking for missing pieces and just experienced people like Nipsey Hussle said. What if we just dated humans without a deeper meaning into how they complete us. We just dated to experience them and if the experience isn’t great, we try the next thing. Being whole will give you the only validation that matters. And being valid and being whole will ensure that you don’t settle for less than you deserve.

We get broken after relationships because the other person has taken that piece that made you whole. This is when Whitney says, “I have nothing, nothing, nothing. If I don’t have you.” What an error. When will we learn that humans can come and go into our lives and we’ll still be okay. I love the Reign show, and in that show, Mary the Queen of Scots, gets raped and the Queen Mother tells her to gather herself and go see her people and in her address she says,” My loyal subjects. I reassure you, that your King, and your Queen, remain untouched. These murderous traitors who invaded the castle tonight have achieved nothing. Have altered nothing. And will die, for nothing.“—Queen Mary

Break ups will always be debilitating if you believe you’d found a missing piece and that when the person left they took that piece with them. This is why people hold in to toxic relationships because they don’t wanna feel incomplete or spare. Your inner brokenness cannot be fixed by a lover or a baby. People do strange things to feel complete.

If you are ready for a relationship, a serious one, you need to ensure that you have cleaned your house and you know your worth before letting people in. When people see that your house is lacking in something they know it’s vulnerable and can infiltrate and take the little that is in that house. If you give the impression that you have things missing, they will provide those things for you, only to have you at their mercy.


Take a deep introspection and find out where you think you are void and start to heal yourself and be whole. There are things you’ve lost along the way, try to get them back. Get you back and show everyone that left that they took nothing.