I’m Not Into Recycling Husbands

Would you marry a divorcee?

If we were both coming from a previous then maybe I’d consider it but fresh as I’m is? It’s not going to happen.

There was a time when all the men that I liked seemed to get married. And I was bitter. But fast forward a couple of years later and they are leaving the said marriages. (I have nothing to do with it.)

And then the question came, would I marry someone who’s been married before?

Twitter advice has the same adverse effects on your mental health as Googling your symptoms. Everything seems bleak unnecessarily. For example, because I am unmarried and childless at 29, Twitter seems to think my only chance at marriage is to get a divorcee and be a step mom. Au contraire there are some men that are holding out for the right one and are still as fresh as I’m is.

Why wouldn’t I marry a divorcee?

Half the world watched Prince Harry marry divorcee Megan Markle and hey that was his choice. It’s just not mine. Imagine going through all your firsts with someone who has been through it all before and got the divorce certificate?

Divorce changes people

As U2 once sang, “You can sew it up but you can still see the tear.” Just because you have glued it back together it doesn’t mean that its back to its original state. The cracks will show and with enough pressure, it could break all over again. Divorce is like you failing at marriage. And some take it better than others but no one escapes from it unscathed. I don’t wanna pay for your previous heartache.

Marriage is a covenant

I believe that marriage is a covenant between both y’all and God. God doesn’t want you to be put asunder. To break away from a covenant isn’t easy. The only reason divorce is permitted is when infidelity is involved. And even then, that means I’ll be living with a paranoid person that will think I’m cheating like his former wife. I can’t live in her shadow all my life. No thank you.

You’ve left a marriage before, how do I know you won’t leave again?

You have a proven record of being a quitter. I’ll never feel secure. For me, marriage is a til death do us part thing. Nobody is leaving. “Ah but Thembi you weren’t there. You don’t understand how bad it can get.” Like I said, not my portion. It can’t happen to me. It won’t.

I’m not looking down at people who married people coming from a divorce. Not at all. I’m just saying that I wasn’t built for it and that’s fine. To each his own. Everyone deserves love and second chances but it doesn’t have to be from me. Different strokes folks.

10 Responses
  • chigagairwa
    July 18, 2018

    If there is anything I have learnt in this life is that when love comes knocking little else matters, including whether he/she been married before. Not everyone brings their hang ups and all of your first rings will be his first time WITH YOU. I sense you are religious. Just let God be God and so on and so forth. Best wishes on your journey

    • Thembi Terry Zulu
      July 19, 2018

      Grew up in a broken home. We don’t investigate enough what it puts the kids through. Blended families have cracks.

      • chigagairwa
        July 19, 2018

        Same here. All families got their days. What matters is the love, keep an eye out for that. Better a man that loves you, is kind, caring, not easily angered, fears God and all that jazz. Than a brand new one who ain’t all that. If you get love in a never married guy, good on you. If not, it shouldn’t be the thing that stops you being loved…

    • OJ's Pride
      July 20, 2018

      Thank you so much….you just said all I needed to say 👌🌸

  • Jokerswild
    July 20, 2018

    Haha, recycled, I like that. There’s a lot of divorced people who are thinking like you but their mindset is they’ll get it right the second time. Then there are those single ones waiting for the right one. But it’s not a loyal guys fault he got cheated on, and just imagine if you married a first timer who’s used to sleeping around, who ends up getting screwed? You and a bunch of other women. You can’t judge someone’s book by the chapter you walked in on lovely, that makes for a bad read. Love and loyalty is better than new and infidelity. Someone who has been there is probably looking to make it right because they had their rehearsal already.😁. I can’t comment, I’m not into recycled husbands either😉, but if a lady is comparable, I won’t turn her down because of her past and sacrifice a future. Just saying….but I feel ya. But I don’t judge unless I want to be judged.😉🌹

    • Thembi Terry Zulu
      July 20, 2018

      😂😂😂 I love that you understand it. I dated divorced men before and they were looking for a painkiller, a rebound. Nothing serious. Truth is, lobola (bride price) is an expensive thing to go through twice.

      • Jokerswild
        July 20, 2018

        True that, but at the same time divorcee May look at people like us as a rescue.

    • OJ's Pride
      July 20, 2018

      Good one Jokerwilds

      • Jokerswild
        July 20, 2018

        Thank you much, just my honest point of view.😁

  • OJ's Pride
    July 20, 2018

    Divorcee or not, Marriage I rage is all about meeting the right person and getting it right….. There is a profile joy that comes from a peaceful marriage & that is what I wish for… To love & to be loved, good understanding & communication, etc.

    I love the title of your post👌

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