Imagine genuinely being in love with someone and you’re just a painkiller to them. I came across ‘painkiller’ as an adjective when I was contemplating dating a divorcee. I was told that divorcees aren’t interested in getting remarried. They just want to play the field. You’ll literally become a painkiller for the drama of a failed marriage. I wrote about how I will not marry a second-hand husband on this blog post.


Babies will not fix an unstable relationship. If the relationship is on it’s dying legs, adding another human being will only make your situation worse increasing the collateral damage. Even as a woman, if you’re feeling like you’re behind time, that’s not a good reason to have a baby. If you have a baby just because you feel lonely and you need something to love. That’s also not a good reason to bring a life into this world. A baby will not fill a void, you have to do the emotional work or else you will break that baby with your brokenness.

Crushes and Exes

You might have someone who you know would give their life for you. It could be a suitor, an ex or a friend-zoned schmuck. When you are feeling low, bored with your life or just in need attention, you start to text that person knowing full well how they feel about you. To them, it feels like they have a chance and you are just using them as a gap filler for the people you want who are actually ignoring you. Taking advantage of these unrequited love situations is callous and borderline saddistic. If you aren’t interested leave people’s kids alone don’t shelve them for rainy days. It’s not fair.

Witches, wizards and haters

What if there is no bad energy and you are the bad energy hindering your own success and happiness. I watched Lady Tshawe‘s interview about how witches don’t exist and that we create them in our minds to make up for our shortcomings. As someone who had dedicated her life to the war against witches, this wasn’t what I was trying to hear. I got mad, sobered up and listened to it again sans emotions. He was right, I had been hiding behind witches whereas I needed to pull up my socks and get better. This meant doing the hard things of doing great work, building a portfolio and being legally compliant for the opportunities I was applying for. How do you expect to close a million dollar deal when all you have is an EcoCash account? #MindBlown

Throwing yourself at a brick wall

You know how when people get sad, they’ll play sad songs and relive their sad memories to get even sadder? Well, sometimes we use people’s kids to hurt ourselves. This can be in the form of texting a crush who turned you down or an ex who left. This is pathetic and uncomfortable for the other person. Why would you want to spread your negative energy? How do you expect that other person to feel? Misery loves company and you’re disrupting other kids. When you’re as toxic as a Britney Spears’ song deal with your feelings. Inner work is not a group assignment.

Today is the day you stop being toxic! Delete people’s numbers. Make a clean break from the people you’re using and people who are using you. Block and delete. You’re moving on.