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So I'm excited but why how are you? We're excited because you're a big fan You are So this is our girlfriend relationship show We're talking about different women that I wanted to talk to Gabrielle Union just kept coming into my mind and I was like Gabrielle with me and Gabriel don't speak Gabrielle and I would never really girlfriends. We were great associates that at some point that dissolve For 17 years we have not really spoken you don't even know what you mad about it Okay we don't need to know that when we got on the phone, I was like Gabriel what happened? She was like girl I don't know Yeah So today I really wanna talk to Gabrielle to just figure out how we as women specifically get here and then how we reunite with them sometimes and sometimes sometimes sometimes you can't heal it right and this particular episode Is about healing healing so I know I don't fan out on me asking for all the grass Oh no You know you have taught me. Well I don't I try not to ask for pictures or autographs and try not to act goofy That's hard My mother how are you So happy to meet you I'm so glad that you came out Come on. We're gonna go to the House is beautiful Thank you Imma let you leave cuz I'm okay I got lost Did you I got lost Oh right. Pass it So yeah. We're gonna walk on over here to the Red table You ready Let's clear set please This is a very special show for me because what I decided to do was to make this about creating a new girlfriend Gavin I we had a bit of a break. We don't know how and she's been open to this healing. She's been open to this conversation Yeah Because everyone plays a part Everybody plays Yeah It felt so good on the phone with you to even just go Hey I'm sorry that I didn't even take the time to talk to you You know and then I had to just apologize and just thinking to myself damn Jada that was some petty but at the same time going with us where you were then thank God you someplace else now you know I'm not You know I could have been like okay I know this is Super uncomfortable but Imma hop in your face and we're gonna write talk right but I was like okay Yeah Yeah exactly and then every time we think you're like it's not gonna fuck my life Yeah but it does and it is because you keep your brain keeps going back there Yeah Because every time we would see each other, we always cordial always nice but it was always tension I think it was it was it last year Maybe two years ago we me and my friend were leaving the White House Yes this is something like Boogie So when you're leaving the I was so I was leaving the White House Brock and Jazz Yes and you were walking again Yes there was that moment of like do I say hello Hey Yeah Yeah Yeah And it was like but it's like what was natural for both of us is to be like yeah You know but we were both just like yeah You know like yeah Okay Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah You tell em what's up This is cool Alright Right And even then I was just like what the hell is that about and then we saw each other at the end of A C P awards and there was a picture. They're like you guys get in Yeah and I wanna make her feel weird being like you know it's a stiff his picture of Y'all Oh man It's a trip It's a trip and it's not even about having to be the best of friends or best girlfriends or what have you just simple consideration respect and knowing A we're in this together It's our own personal Healing one of the things I found really powerful You did a speech at essence just about your journey As far as your healing with female relationships I used to shrink in the presence of other dope beautiful women I used to revel in gossip and rumors I took joy in people's pain and I tap danced in their misery Fierce and fearless women celebrate and compliment other women and we recognize and embrace the notion that their shine in no way diminishes our life and that it actually makes our light shine brighter I listen to you speak and I'm like Gabs on the past She's figuring it out She's in a process So I really wanna know what was that moment for you when you realized okay enough is enough I had to hit rock bottom I had to lose everything for me. That was my first marriage right going through divorce process I lost my show My show was cancelled and I was having difficult relationships with my BFF got it You know my day once right and it was Fault but my own And I literally found myself under my bed with my dog It was I was like I don't think I can get a new nose cuz he's probably what people mean they've they say they've hit rock bottom right and I started working with AJ Johnson Can you just explain to a Red table family who H Johnson is Adrian Johnson is a physical trainer and life coach and also an actress Yes Yes and she's been a host at times but she is a changer of many lives in in Hollywood Yeah, she is she's been around a long time. We love her and with AJ A combination of working out okay and while in the Middle of working out she would kinda be shouting out questions and so one day she said make a happy list but we were boxing got it she said tell me 10 things that make you happy and I'm I'm I'm I'm punching but I can't think of anything that makes me happy Not one thing that makes me happy and so she's like give me some give me something anything okay Butter and imitation crab ground beef So butter imitation crab from Columbia and she stopped and she she said okay of course your marriage failed Wow You don't know what makes you happy Why would you think somebody else knows how to make you happy that when you don't know what makes you happy that part So we start doing the work I'm feeling amazing. I'm starting to feel a lot better about myself right And we go to a party and this you know this one La Girl and I start to feel like I'm shrinking right and I start reverting to my usual okay, which is when I feel like I'm shrinking Okay and attention is being taken away when I feel like I've got a good outfit on Yup Like my hair is done Yup I've got enough credits. If you seen my IMDB page I am deserving of attention right You know when Michelle Obama said you know the high road Yes I hate the highway I hate It's like getting on the floor five at 40 'clock on Friday. The high right cuz you don't get the instant gratification No, you don't. What is on your mind No, it is nothing tone and no so I get the attention back on me because I'm talking. Okay again about the hot girl. How is she at this party? Who did she do X Y and Z too. You know start you start to assassinate someone's character and AJ. She said, okay. Wait, I'm gonna stop you right there. Get the job that you want it I'm like huh Right She said Did your House get bigger Did you Bank account grow I'm like what are you talking? She's like what did you accomplish by tearing that woman down right All you did is reveal to everyone in this party with low self esteem you have Right and it just that was that's what it took She got me right between the eyes right It was harsh in the moment but then it was like damn I have been communicating through negativity I've been shrinking other people hoping that I'm growing Yes I will be the Super friendly Super Mother's, Super freak, Super chef whatever and when you do all of that you have nothing left for yourself We've all been there We've all been there Yeah somebody else comes along and we feel threatened in some form and we feel like we have to shrink somebody else down in order to feel bigger I have had so much revelation in just the idea of what what it takes to connect to other women and and what creates within us. The inability to do that What was the process that you took on in order to I had to call a thing a thing First and what was that I'm a hater Oh I'm a troll Okay You know now you would say your Internet troll come to light Got it got it worst part of the comment section of social media She's like all those negative things that had been happening in your life right It's exactly what you're putting out You're getting back God it so is that reflection that mirror and I had to see myself clearly right and it's ugly. It's it's hard. It's painful to recognize that you are the common denominator for the vast majority of your problems Let me tell you something I've had a couple of years of that Looking at somebody else and go Oh no no no you're the problem. You're the problem. You're the problem but people will tell you that you're keeping it real Yes They love it when you point out other people absolutely and while you just sink it Yeah I'm drowning Yes exactly and let me tell you that was a moment when I had to do this Oh no baby girl All that you created and so yeah it's so hard It's so hard It's It's not just hard it's devastating and it's a more than that death of you thought you were that part We do need to have girlfriends that are willing to pull our cocktails but in a loving way Well, there's some girlfriends. I use my finger quotes who want to squash you right The goal isn't to watch you evolve right The goal is to watch you be miserable right And there's something that is appealing about your misery to them right and then Are the the real girlfriends right Who can be honest in a loving way? Cuz the goal isn't to squash you. The goal is to watch you evolve right into the woman that you want actually want to be and again it but we also have to be in a space of receiving it in that way Now here that's a whole another thing We gotta be ready because what is what is ready even look like what does it look like? What does it mean Well I'll tell you what it was for me and that was to be ready to receive someone looking at me and going nah you're better than that and I realized that in my life I just was not willing to have that was like no no no no and it came out of fear cuz you know if you take all that then we gotta be responsible for it and it's like no no no I rather play victim because that's is where I get to play small comfort isn't it I call it the cloak of victimhood Yes you don't wanna take it off It's like a Snuggie Yeah I feel like oh it's so good and it's and people will let you be a victim for your entire life Won't think you wake up in your 70 and you're like well it's been great You know she was she was an amazing singer but you know that thing happened yes Back in the since 60 - two This is you know where we're at but people will let you be there because being a victim is also comfortable for everybody else that part because when you take accountability for yourself and your own healing, a lot of people lose a little bit of control, right? It's easier to control a victim than it is to control a healed In this process of growth there have been friends of mine who have Kind of falling off So have you found that they had to go and I I have zero regrets I'm still working on that process I have nothing If you're ready yeah I'll be over here living my best life and enjoying who I really am right and I see that you are enjoying your misery Imma leave you to that right and I have zero guilt about that So what has been your process in regards to finding your true self What whether therapy right in silence Silence and being okay with my own company and in the stillness Yeah just sitting there and really finding comfort in being alone I wanna tell you that has been for me The greatest gift to find is that me time and I'm talking about the real deal Meantime, I'm not talking about an hour in a bathtub I'm talking about days cuz I did have to get with the fact that I'm a people pleaser and let me tell you that was my mother. She's Know your codependent right and that's what everybody that's what your girlfriends That's what everybody that's what you really need to look at your codependent and I was like I'm not cold dependent. I just like people to be happy if I expect in my sanity and P S yes and you want people to like you. So you say yes Yes I will sacrifice my own career to enhance you know to enhance my husband Yes I will be the Super friends, Super Mother's, Super Freak, Super chefs Whatever also donate time for you know giving blood in the Indiana the homeless and and And when you do all of that so people can call you a good woman or a good friend or a good wife or whatever it is that it takes to be considered amazing You have nothing left for yourself So how have you dealt with that Just in order I say no and no used to be so terrifying because no means a boundary right and if you put up boundaries and maybe people won't come back they're both wives We have our own careers in our own thing but then we also happen to have husbands that have their careers and have their own thing because when you talk about Those sacrifices that will make for our husbands partners life partners They think as women we have this fear of oh man. If I don't do this we'll find somebody else will do it and I hate that messaging and I got to the point in my own situation when I was like well if you can find somebody else to do it then by God, they go do it because for real I can't do that like that anymore I have to do more for myself I have to having the partner that I have Thank God He came along I became a new woman I really did if it was quite freeing Have you had that kind of process in your situation cuz we went through so much in the dating faith Yeah That's true and the idea that a good woman right or good future wife should have the propensity to handle enormous amounts of pain Yeah And that's what makes you a good wife when we got married Had to redefine that as an evolved person as a healed person I'm not interested in pain and I'm not interested in hurting you either Yeah I married somebody's Dream It was like I married D Wade and I have a marriage with Dwayne Tyrone Wade Junior There you go and I'm still getting to know him Yes and I'm in a amazing friendship marriage with Beautiful man that I didn't even know existed Just explain to me a little bit gab of why the me too movement is important to you It's incredibly personal right me too right when I was 19, I was raped at gunpoint at my after school job and It speaks to me because I I had to figure out how to go from victim to survivor Yeah and kind of a times feeling very alone in that feeling like I was screaming into a hurricane and no one was was hearing me and with the Me Too movement I feel like I found my people It's a tribe I never wanted to be in but now that I'm here and I'm so happy to know that there's other people who wanna be healed who wanna get Justice who wanna unleash and unload their pain And I and I wanna be a voice for some of the voiceless but yeah thank God for the me too movement because so many people have just been suffering in silence I want you to know I really I commend you for having the courage to talk about it in the way that you have I really thank you for that It's working like I told you on the phone. This is my year growth I'm really just My life just cleaning up a lot of stuff and you were one of them having this moment with you is helping me in that process Well, I told you on the phone It was like a gorilla hopped off my back but I didn't even know I was there right and I needed I needed that I I needed I needed you So thank you Thank you This has been beautiful and I hope from here on now that we have a And you know you can call on me for anything and thank you for Just being open to this And thank you guys for being here with us at the table and these comments about what you saw today and you know tell us your story I wanna hear I wanna see I wanna I wanna know yeah for sure. So just let us know these are tough journeys but they're they're worth it They are worth it most definitely Alright, let's get outta here. She's been here long enough but my hips Thank you guys for making this easy I hope it was easy putting your home Yes I hope it was easy. Mama What's happening on our next Red table talk we are talking about parenting will and I were boring over Jaden I don't wanna be like everybody else I get it It's just so simple I will never will call me and he was like Have you talked about this with Jaden and him wearing a skirt 80 - six on the media, they wanted you to have something Super special when you came here something special that just reminded you always of how special you are. How grateful I am that you have been so open to this process and so I wanted to give you something as Oh my gosh Oh my gosh Are you kidding me No Thank you I wanna put it on you let this key be a reminder that you are the key to your power Yehey That looks so beautiful on you You are so welcome So Gab before you leave Can I get a picture Of course Yeah
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