Hi, I’m Thembi Terry, and I’ve been addicted to my screens. I have doomscrolled so much, I’m starting to see repeat content on my feed/timeline. I knew I was addicted when I didn’t know where my time was going. I’d keep saying 5 more minutes and stay on the phone for hours on end. I was getting sucked in, and I couldn’t find my way out.
I removed social media apps from my phone, hoping it would break the habit. It didn’t. I would scroll the remaining apps, everything except the Bible. I would scroll my emails, Pinterest, and even Takealot. What was I even looking for? Who knows.
I was on my screens so much, it started to take a toll on my health. My right-hand wrist started to hurt from all the activity online. My eyes hurt so much, they felt dry. My whole body was in a state of dis-ease and just general discomfort. My brains were more fried than scrambled eggs. I couldn’t hold on to a single thought long enough to process it. The brain fog was so thick it was smog. Despite all the above, I stayed on the screens. Even when my body was exhausted and sleepy, I would tell myself, a few more videos. It was never a few more.
I was hooked.
I wasn’t praying. I didn’t have time to. But I knew all the trending sounds on the videos app word for word. To be honest, none of the content was edifying me, but I kept scrolling anyway. I stopped being a creator and became a consumer. I even started becoming jealous of this one girl whose content creation was finally taking off. I wasn’t jealous enough to do something about it. I just blocked her and her friends and moved on. The good content that I should have been consuming, I didn’t have time for, I would just save it to watch later. Legend says the later of it still hasn’t come.
How did the addiction come about?
@deanwlin I can’t stop making these 🤣 WHOOO SAID THAT
I was avoiding real life. I’ve been battling with my faith when it comes to fertility, and the hope was at an all-time low. Real life meant questioning God, quiet time meant being alone with my thoughts and risking being blasphemous or worse, grieving the Holy Spirit. My brains were fried, and my spirit was empty. I couldn’t focus. My mind would drift when I started to pray. I couldn’t string words together. I knew my words were empty. I fell out of love with the things of God because I was so mad. And the flesh offered seasons and seasons of shows upon shows that I could watch and escape my reality. You can’t curse God and die when you are on Wisteria Lane or saving lives in the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital.
Then the dreams came.
Luke 16: 27-28 ‘Then I beg you, father,’ he said, ‘send Lazarus to my father’s house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also end up in this place of torment.’
I started getting warnings about how far off I had wandered away from the Lord. How distracted I was. The dreams were recurring. Different scenarios, but the gist was the same. I was in danger. I’d wake up in a sweat and swear to myself that I would make a change the moment the sun came up. What change? When I’d forgotten the rebuke of the dream and the emotions had passed, I fell right back into my old ways. I couldn’t get my body to cooperate. I knew what to do, but my body just wouldn’t do it. I had lost control.
Jonah 2:8 Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them.
The screens had become an idol in my life. They took up most of my time. I was reaching for my phone out of reflex. I couldn’t get through a single Bible chapter without taking a phone break. Before I said my morning prayers, I would reach for my phone. One thing leads to another, and hours have gone by. Addiction is so sneaky. You don’t see it growing. You know the adverse effects it has on you, and still you can’t quit it. Your mind and your body are in misalignment, and it’s difficult to get back on track.
Romans 7:15 For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled and bewildered by them]. I do not practice what I want to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate [and yielding to my human nature, my worldliness—my sinful capacity].
This past weekend, three people I knew died (separate incidents). All the deaths shook me. We don’t have the time we think we do. We can’t afford to put things off to tomorrow. If I died today, I don’t think I’ve done enough to hear, “well done good and faithful servant.” And that scares me.
As usual, Pastor Richard Langworthy dragged me again. I have linked the sermon below for anyone else who knows they need to make a change and snap out of backsliding. It’s time to arise out of your spiritual depression.
Isaiah 60:1 Arise [from spiritual depression to a new life], shine [be radiant with the glory and brilliance of the LORD]; for your light has come, And the glory and brilliance of the LORD has risen upon you.
