Past Experiences

Childlessness was the weapon fashioned against my faith. This past Sunday, we started a series on faith at our church. As the pastor laid the foundation on faith and outlined the benefits of faith and what faith can do, I had to take stock because what happened to my faith?

Galatians 3:1 O you foolish and thoughtless and superficial Galatians, who has bewitched you [that you would act like this], to whom—right before your very eyes—Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified [in the gospel message]?

Experiences happened to my faith. If I had a dollar for every time I got prayed for, and I was told, “by this time next year, your baby will be in your house?” I’d also be telling people, “go see Victor!” Last year, July, was when I properly got my eggs in a scramble in such a deep way I’m still struggling with it. We went to the gynae, she took an ultrasound picture, gave it to us, told us to come back in two weeks for a review. A fortnight later, she says I don’t see anything. Ma’am, be for real right now, cause watchu mean?

Last week, we covered how yesterday’s scars become today’s triggers.  Today we’re covering how the pain of experiences keeps you from trying again. If you’ve had a business fail and close, you know the pain I’m talking bout. If you’ve been to many job interviews and yet you’re still unemployed, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And with each rejection, it chips away at your faith a likkle more. Until, without realising it, your faith dies completely.

Matthew 13:25 But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.

While I slept and dreamt of my unborn child’s entire future, the enemy came and poisoned my faith with the toxicity of experiences. I found myself thinking, “don’t get too excited, you’ll lose this one too. It’s the hope that kills you.” And doesn’t it though? You’ll go to church, and they’ll say, “it will happen for you, just raise your faith!” My faith is raised, and that’s why it hurts so much when I’m disappointed because I genuinely believed. If I hadn’t believed, I’d take whatever little solace in being right, I love being right.

I lived with this one woman who was struggling with dementia. In all the years I stayed with her, I never once saw her go back into the past into a good memory. All her memories were traumatic to watch her relive them. She always wanted to go to her rural home because “her husband was abusive and would beat her for being AWOL.” She was terrified of the Portuguese, war crimes I should think. I remember thinking to myself, what if dementia is just a collection of your greatest hits: the traumatic version? And I said to myself, heal now so that dementia has nothing on you later.

@nikeoje

Replying to @nikeoje 4 weeks into locking in and I have accomplished more than the last 3 years. #thegreatlockin = #thegreatcomeback #rockbottom

♬ original sound – ItsNikénotnike

John 14:26 But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you.

And that’s why God gave us a wonderful counsellor, to help us cope through the traumas of life. I tell you every time that I tried counselling with a professional, and it didn’t work for me, ultimately God gives not as the world gives. The Holy Spirit is available day and night at the low low price of $0.00 to help you sort through the difficult feelings in an honest and confidential way. You have nothing to lose, bear it all in prayer or a journal and be honest about how you truly feel. God loves a broken and contrite heart. The Bible also encourages us to renew our minds.

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].

To “renew your mind” means to intentionally change your thought patterns and beliefs, often by aligning them with a new or specific worldview, such as a religious one. It’s a process of personal transformation that involves actively focusing on your thoughts, replacing old beliefs with new ones, and retraining your thinking to align your actions with your desired goals or beliefs. 

Renewing your mind means forgetting and reframing the past. I remember a heartbreak that took me six years to get over, and now looking back in retrospect, I’m grateful for that heartbreak and how my life went after that. Are there things in your life that you can now look upon from a different perspective from when they first occurred? What can you learn from that? If not, ask the Lord to reveal why it had to happen that way because at the end of the day, all things work together for good to them that love God. And sometimes, he gives you the gift of understanding why that painful experience was the best thing for you.

Isaiah 43:18 Do not remember the former things, Nor carefully consider things of the past.

You can’t do new things with old ways of thinking. Heal and discard the old ways of thinking, they didn’t work anyway. Those neurotransmitters were fried by the trauma of failure so they won’t do you any good anyway. Try again like you’ve never known failure. Love like you’ve never been hurt before. Live out each new day without the burdens of yesterday.