Triggered!

A trigger warning is a statement that alerts someone to potentially distressing or traumatic content, like violence, sexual abuse, or self-harm, that is about to be presented. The purpose is to give individuals, particularly those with a history of trauma, the choice to prepare themselves emotionally, opt out of the content, or engage with it when they feel ready. These warnings are rooted in PTSD literature and serve as a form of mental health support by respecting individuals’ experiences and providing a sense of control over their exposure to sensitive material. 

There’s a braai spot in Avondale with the best bream in Harare. I’m a regular there now because they are generous with my portions. They usually have karaoke there, and sometimes I get tempted to give it a try. One thing my mother can tell you is that I can memorise lyrics quickly, which is ironic considering I can’t sing to save my life. But karaoke taught me something, just because I’m saved, it doesn’t mean I have amnesia. I didn’t instantly forget all the lyrics to secular music. It’s the same with traumatic memories.

Forgiving is one thing, and forgetting is another. Unless you have a medical condition, you can’t just erase your memories. And I don’t know if I’m sensitive or what, but I have learned that trigger warnings are for me. When I’m scrolling, and I see that graphic warning, I even close the app entirely. I know I’m the sensitive viewer they are referring to. I’m no longer young and stupid to test how brave I can be. Curiosity will not be killing this cat.

I was watching an old South African series with my husband. You know, back then when the BCCSA had jurisdiction over all the shows? We thought it would be safer than the current content being produced nowadays that you can’t watch with your parents. I was wrong. You see, back then, there were no trigger warnings or sensitivity specialists. So watching that stuff now, you’re shocked, and you know they wouldn’t be able to get away with half that stuff today. Yes, back in the day we got the L, V, S warnings, but they were just a warning to leave the room if you were watching with your parents. The content wasn’t as hectic as it is today. Even the music channels are no under 16 now.

I attended a comedy show last week here in Harare. One of the comediennes cracked a joke about how when they racist-ly commented about how eloquent her English is, her response was, “thanks it was graped into my grandmother.” The whole crowd gasped. No one laughed. Probably because under no circumstances is grape funny. Again, I was disturbed. I struggled to get back into the vibe of the show. The vibe was dead. The mood had shifted. A dark cloud was now hovering above the audience. I have so many questions as to how the joke made it as far as the stage, but eh it’s none of my business.

Have we become too sensitive? I don’t think so. But once you consume content that went through sensitivity testing, it’s hard to stomach anything else. We’re adults now, we’ve seen life. Some of these atrocities we have seen them first hand or someone close to us has. Nicki Minaj and Cardi B are beefing and trading tweets. One of them tweeted about the other’s alleged infertility, and I caught a stray. Four years, still no kids, it can make even the best of us sensitive. It felt like I was the one who had been told that “her womb is rotten”. Again triggered.

Have trigger warnings made us soft? Or was life without them hardening us and making us callous? It’s the way the body physically reacts to being triggered that sucks. You just feel yuck. And the trick I’ve learned is that when you’re feeling yucky on the inside, play Tetris. I don’t know why it works, but it does. It’s the only way I’m able to calm down once something has made me disturbed.

Once your cortisol has spiked, it’s so hard to put that genie back in the bottle. You just have to wait out the body to do what it’s gotta do to fix the hormonal imbalance. The cure? Stay off the media channels. There’s no trauma in touching grass. That feeling you get when the series has you on the edge of your seat? It’s not good for you in the long run. There are healthier ways to get that dopamine fix.

My dad was right about not letting me watch Yizo Yizo and even now at my big age, I won’t even try it because the nervous system: I’m on its last nerve. But heal, truly make an effort to genuinely heal. I’m as much of a doctor as Matthew Lani but please heal as much as you can. Avoid triggers, because a wound can’t heal when it’s constantly being picked at. And, should you get triggered, be gentle with yourself. Healing is just one part. You can forgive and work through stuff, but you can’t completely forget the things that altered you and gave you scars.