My ex got another girl pregnant while we were dating and now he’s marrying her. The baby is due in January and she has since moved in with him. So, during their ‘honeymoon’ phase as newlyweds, he and I have been talking and I discovered something. No, I’m not in love with him. I discovered that I’m not ready for marriage. My idea of what marriage is, is unorthodox like my opinion on everything.

His wife is expected to be at home by 6pm. Uhm…yeah…don’t sign me up for that. For 25 years I have been trying to escape dad’s curfew only to be subjected to my husband’s curfew. When will the cycle end? I don’t party or anything like that but when I’m in my creative element, I lose track of time.

I’m capable of many things especially the arts but the culinary arts completely evade me. I can cook, yeah sure, but the basics. You see, at home, I wait to start cooking at 8pm. By this time my family is so ravenous they could eat anything, like Jacob and Esau type of thing. Every time I serve dad he says, “There comes a time when a lion must eat grass.” For me, it’s my effort that counts. Listening to my ex rant about how his new wife can’t cook made me realise that I still have a long way to go. I despise the people that started rumours about maids doing the nasties to our food and kudyiswa and husband stealing. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Pray for the food before you eat. Rebuke that voodoo with the thunder, fire and brimstone of God.

Having kids is a huge responsibility. One that I am not ready for. I want to travel at whim. Switch between various countries and cities. Plan for one. I am a very selfish creature. I don’t want to carry and be responsible for another human being. If I had a dream for my child and they did the opposite, I’d lose it. I am a radical thinker and I can’t bear the thought of mothering myself. Like Nandi says in the Tshaka Zulu movie, “Don’t sire a wildcat if you don’t have the wisdom to tame it.”

Lastly, he’s not ready to get married judging from the tone of our conversations. Making somebody pregnant doesn’t mean you have to marry them. Children are a blessing but they aren’t miracle workers. They can’t make something that wasn’t there. Mistakes happen but you don’t have to bind yourself to them for the rest of your life. Be there for your kid but marrying a woman you don’t love won’t help the price of tea in China. The Christians are probably seething at this post but wait, I’m a Christian as well, Abraham made the bond woman pregnant, and he put her and the son out to the wilderness. And guess what? Ishmael did just fine in the wilderness. Yes ladies it can be done.