Getting me to accept your friend request takes a scientific process that closely resembles applying for an American visa. I used to just accept everybody for the sake of numbers and deluded by the assumption that if they sought me its for a good reason. And then I realised that some people just send friend requests with reckless disregard hoping to get lucky. My timeline became littered with all sorts of rubbish and I scrapped everybody and started over. Now I just accept people that I know, work with or would like to work with. Smartest decision I ever made. And as an added bonus I don’t have those Arabic spam accounts declaring their undying love for me.

So I just thought I should share the top reasons why friend requests to me get denied

• You had a stupid name

I don’t mind people using their brand/stage names on social media but some of these names are ridiculous! There was once a time when most girls had Minaj in their names on social media and the boys had Tunechi or Rick Ross names. I have denied friend requests on the grounds that these names tell me you are a clown and will add nothing of value to my online network. Your inability to formulate your own personality or to at least be original says more than you realise. I’m not with it. Using a celebrity as an avatar will also not help your case.

Your biography or About Me was inadequate

This shouldn’t even need to be elaborated on further. It is self explanatory. Anyway, since we’re already here, we might as well. Ok, I get that we all use social media for different reasons and mine happens to be for business reasons. So for me it matters what you do for a living and possibly where you have worked. Most of my friends are into the arts, media and/or entertainment industry. This increases the chances of their posts being relevant to me. There are no chances of seeing stupid jokes or pornography being streamed onto my timeline.

• I don’t know you

I am not into experimenting with my social networks. If I do not know you and your bio doesn’t convince me that I need to know you then your friend request will be denied. Call me paranoid but there are people out there that create fake accounts just to troll and bully people online. Some are just crazy stalkers that want to ghost you and find out what you are doing. I haven’t enough the room for that in the world wide web. So friend request denied! I have been attacked on social media before so I like to take precautions. Once bitten, twice careful.

• We have no mutual friends

Verily, verily I say unto you, it is easier for a stranger that has mutual friends with me to get into my friends’ list than somebody who does not. Mutual friends say to me that we probably roll in the same circles. It’s rare for me to accept friend requests on these grounds but it’s a strong consideration. There are friends of mine that are held in the highest regard, so if you made it into their friends’ list then you are cool with me. Yes,the caliber of our mutual friends plays a vital role in whether your request is approved or not.

Your posts were ridiculous

This posts thing comes in two fold. Friend requests get denied if you post in shorthand. I can’t stand it. I can’t read it, won’t read and shouldn’t have to read it. And there is also the matter of the content. I usually check what you post about to get a feel for what you are really about. I don’t accept friend requests from people that are vulgar and intentionally offensive for the sake of becoming controversial in hopes of being popular on the internet. Because of what I do, originality is a thing to me. If you are constantly regurgitating tired jokes and duplicating other people’s opinions, then we absolutely cannot be friends.