We shouldn’t have to set precautionary measures for our daughters. Teach your male relatives to STOP RAPING WOMEN. Now that all protocol has been observed let’s get into it.
I don’t care who he is don’t go to his house.
If you aren’t ready to go all the way do not agree to go to his house. This gender has a misconception that if you agree to come to the crib you already know what it is. The whole concept of ‘Netflix and chill’ is built on this premise as a foundation. And yet, sometimes you just want to have clean, non-sexual quality time with your person. People of the opposite sex can be alone together and not jump each other’s bones, ask married people they’ll confirm it. It’s not impossible.
If you still insist on going. Have a prior conversation before to outline the terms of engagement. You need to have a clear conversation as to what you’re consenting to and what the visit is about. Say it clearly, say it plainly that you DO NOT want to have coitus. Don’t take this for granted. This is a loophole they like to clutch at. The topic of consent is regarded as uncomfortable but that’s how it should be in every day life. Consenting to one thing doesn’t mean consenting to everything else. If he acts like a child and throws his toys out of the cot, don’t worry about it because if he never speaks to you again you would have dodged a bullet.
If something goes wrong…
Most rape victims won’t come forward because society will say you deserved it for even going to his house. What did you think would happen? Bible study? The justice system is not your friend. In the same way, they try to justify rape by saying your skimpy clothes were you just asking to be raped. Most sexual assault survivors take this into consideration and start blaming themselves.
Truth is, men can lie. They will say anything to lure you there even if you say upfront that you don’t want anything to happen. In his head it’s almost like, “agree to whatever she says. You’ll convince her that she wants sex once she is here.” This is rape behavior. Once you’re there he tries to set the mood and starts touching your body like a Mariah Carey song. It’s so funny cause she describes the act as, “like you’re searching for money.” I digress. If your hormones overtake you and you have sex that you didn’t want, that’s rape. If you are emotionally blackmailed with statements such as, “let me put the tip in or just the head,” or “blue balls hurt, I’m dying, save me.” Guess what? Also rape.
Men have what they call ‘home game advantage’
If a struggle breaks out and you are in a house which you don’t know, it’s hard to figure out your next move. This one time, I had been sent to Perv’s house (I’ve blogged about him before) when I got there I wasn’t aware that he was alone cause the family has like 8 people in the home. He told me to wait in the lounge while he left to go fetch what I needed. I didn’t know he was going to lock the door. He comes back and basically it’s all Tom and Jerry with a rapist and I was trapped. Finally, I stopped and I said to him, “If you’re gonna rape me go ahead but when you are done, I will throw myself into that glass cabinet and you will have to explain what happened to me.” I was lucky because he let me out. Some women aren’t as lucky, cause if you say something like that he will silence you forever and we won’t find your body.
What can you do?
- Trust your intuition. If he invites you the house and you feel funny, don’t go. A woman’s intuition never fails.
- Never let a man know that no one knows where you are, it makes your situation worse.
- Send someone your live location as to where you are going.
- Invite other people and chill as a group. His boys don’t count, they will commit perjury for him.
- If a situation is looking tricky, preserve your life and think how you will gather evidence to prove what happened. In that moment you will know what you are prepared to do.
Please watch the video below to understand what happens literally everytime a woman goes to his house