True repentance is heartbreaking! Let me put it like this, imagine looking back on a situation that hurt you deeply and possibly finding out that you were the wrong one in Acrimony. Yeah, that’s how crumby repentance feels.
As we come into more and more knowledge of Jesus Christ, our hearts soften, and we become more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. As you look back on some of the things you’ve done, you’re looking at them with insight and a softened heart, and man does it hurt. You’re looking at all that sinful stuff, knowing full well that the God you serve hates all that nonsense. You almost wish you could go back in time and do things differently.
Don’t shield yourself from the discomfort of repentance. Don’t let the guilt fester in you about what you’ve done. Listen, God knows what you’ve done already, He just wants to hear you say it. You’re telling me He didn’t know where Adam and Eve were when he called out to them?
“But Thembi you don’t know what I’ve done.”
Nah my babes, YOU don’t know what I’VE done.
The pain of repentance is what keeps most of us from repenting. Repentance means admitting you were wrong, taking accountability, and turning away from the wrong thing. Repentance means true vulnerability. Laying bare your soul and finding the ugliest parts of it and bringing them into the light. I’m afraid to say that repentance comes with shame. But shame is how you know you are truly repentant.
If you look back on the nonsense you’ve done, and can’t see the problem, you’re not ready to repent. You have to feel some level of shame in order to not return to that sin again. If you can’t feel sorry, then that’s a pride issue and the heart is still very much hardened. I read somewhere once that to change something, you have to hate it first. Until you hate it, you’ll be comfortable with it. For example, people on a weight loss journey will tell you how much they hated their reflection in the mirror and that’s what encouraged them to make the change.
Philippians 3:8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.
True repentance means having to lose something. It could be a bad attitude, bad habits, lifestyle changes or actual possessions. If you come into Christ with everything you had in your former life, is it a transition? “Come as you are, but don’t stay as you are.” Everyone who wanted to carry their cross in the Bible had to put something down, they had to give something up. As you start being obedient to giving up small things, you’ll start being convicted of bigger things. It starts with a willing heart. I’ll tell you now, there’s nothing I had to give up that I miss today.
Repentance is like looking back at your life with a new perspective. There’ll be things that you are proud of that you now realise that actually no, that was disgusting, how did I ever do that? Confess it to the Lord and keep it moving. Remind yourself that when we confess, God says He doesn’t remember our sins any more. If he’s forgotten, then so should you.
Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.
Don’t wallow in self condemnation. Condemning you is the accuser of the brethren’s job. Cast down the lies of the enemy when he tries to convince you that God can’t accept you and that He can’t forgive what you have done. He is a loving father, if you’re ready to repent, he is ready to take you back.
Repenting means never turning to that thing again. It’s like having a lover that keeps apologising for the same thing, but they keep doing that very thing they’re apologising for. Can you accept such an apology? I think not. When you come to a place of true repentance, you need the revelation of how bad that thing was for you and what it was ultimately costing you. For example, if you’re trying to quit smoking/vaping, you’ll need to grasp the implications of doing that on your health, lungs, and the possibility of cancer. Understanding the damage it’s causing will help you stay strong when it gets hard and temptations come.
“It’s not that deep!” is the reason most of us are failing to repent. As you delve deeper and deeper into the knowledge of the things of God, you’ll start to understand why God doesn’t allow us to do certain things. You’ll truly realise that the wages of sin is death. When you’re ready, you can say a simple prayer and just ask God to shine a light on the parts of your life that he isn’t happy with. When the answer comes, don’t be stubborn, don’t try to negotiate, just make the change. It’ll be worth it, I can promise you that.
Ultimately, we have all fallen short of the glory of God. We have to be humble enough to admit that somewhere along the way, we also hurt people and that we are the villain in someone else’s story. We can’t all be David, some of us are the Goliath. Repentance is an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and get right with God again. Repentance is the prodigal son turning away from his filthy lifestyle and coming back to his father’s house, where they probably didn’t live life foul. Repentance is admitting that, “you know what? I don’t know it all, and possibly I could not have been the right one every single time.”
