We were happy! We really were. We had found a formula that worked for us as a couple and we were happily in love. I knew him. He knew me. Both of us had a history but it didn’t matter now.

At least that’s what I thought.

Then in came his all-knowing best buds. ?

We were never happy thereafter. ?

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They had an opinion on everything especially me. They’d gaslight him constantly and he’d stay out late drowning his sorrows over me. On some nights he’d text me to accuse me about anything and everything. Imagine standing trial most days of the week.


It got tiring. I got tired. I pled the 5th and left. A couple of failed relationships later, he is back on this Zulu’s stoep. There’s a song my mom likes to sing, it goes like, “Why have you left the one you left me for?” I don’t know where she gets these songs but they spark my life. ? So he wants to get back together and I won’t take him back.

Here’s why:

He failed to have a backbone! Imagine now we are married and his relatives start spilling tea and voicing their opinions. If he couldn’t stand straight with his friends what more his family? Not my life to live. What he should’ve done was to stand by me and not be uprooted by rumours. He should’ve trusted me but no he listened to his gossip bros. Now the gossip brothers are happily married living their very best and guess who is alone in Regretville? ?

I hope that gas-lighting still keeps you warm my ninja.

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When you’re in a relationship communication is important between the two of you. Be very careful whose advice you take about your partner. Opinions ain’t facts. You need to trust your feelings for your significant other. We all have different paths to take. What works for the goose won’t do for the gander. As Chinua Achebe once said, “Only he who wears the shoe can tell you where it pinches.”

I keep telling my friends that if you find out that my boyfriend is cheating I’m Mario Winans, ‘I don’t wanna know.” I don’t want to be put under pressure to do something about it like confront him or worse, to leave him. When the time is right, He the Lord, will make it right. I trust and believe. If you tell me about his cheating I’ll always feel judged for staying when you have told me the truth. You need to understand that the heart wants what it wants. And sometimes you’re as blessed as Beyonce and it all irons itself out and the prodigal husband starts to act right. Hopefully, I am never in this position of having to test how much I am able to endure.