I used to hate going to pick up my sisters from their school. If I didn’t love them so much, I’d have left them there or made them find their own way way home. You see, when you walk into that all girls’ school, they all look your way and god forbid they start to giggle. You can feel them measuring you, judging you, ripping your look to shreds. Nothing is as cruel as children.

But they don’t know better. They learnt this cruel practice from somewhere…the adult females around them. I lived with a 17-year-old girl whose mom would ridicule her incessantly. She couldn’t do anything right. Her mom would go as far as to call her own daughter a prostitute but the Shona version which sounds much worse. The girl started to get insecure and wanted to dress like Instagram models to feel prettier, which made the insults being hurled at her even worse.

In all my years of hiking and that’s about 21 good years, I have never been given a lift by woman. Not a single time. In the neighbourhood I grew up in, twas women I even knew. Neighbours in fact but not once did they stop to offer me a lift. But do you know who did? Their husbands, sons, uncles, boyfriends, anything of the male species. Even if the garden boys had cars, they would have picked me up for sure.

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Do you know what a risk that is?

I know married women are now worried about their husbands being taken but what about me being taken. I was once given a lift by some guy from the neighbourhood. He knew where I lived and his kids would carpool with the kids from next door. I trusted him. Never once thought anything would happen to me. I got into his car and he drove. He just drove. Never stopped. Went past my house. Speed increased and, in that moment, I knew I was in trouble. Yeah sure, I knew him he could be punished after but I’d never be the same. Car’s moving, do I jump out? Just after my neighbourhood there’s land. Just land. He got there and parked. The rest of the story is unnecessary and I’m okay but some girls aren’t as lucky.

If you don’t pick up that young girl on the road, your predatory male counterparts will. Women are the enablers of these psychopaths. You give them both opportunity and motive. Alone in that car, he gets to have his 20 second elevator pitch and the young girl gets taken by him and literally takes him from you.

Older women in the workplace are equally insufferable. Instead of mentoring and guiding these young girls, you’re having tea and spilling tea about their dressing and their make-up. Never anything to build them up and guide them. Just tearing them down for their youth. Yeah that’s it, that’s all of it, your bone with them is that your time has passed and you miss it.

When young girls are hurting, their first point of contact should be the older women in their lives and unfortunately these mothers, aunts and other authority figures are not there for us the way that they should be. Most women are navigating through life with the Mother Wound because mom wasn’t there when you needed her the most. I’m sorry and I hope you find healing.

16 Comments

  • heyanci
    Posted 12th June 2019 9:24 am 0Likes

    This was deep✊👏

    • Thembi Terry Zulu
      Posted 12th June 2019 9:41 am 0Likes

      Yeah, I wrote straight from the heart. We need to start calling out these little habits that are holding us back and be the generation that breaks that cycle.

      • heyanci
        Posted 12th June 2019 6:41 pm 0Likes

        We absolutely do

  • iamfiercelove05
    Posted 12th June 2019 9:45 am 0Likes

    wow

    • Thembi Terry Zulu
      Posted 12th June 2019 11:53 am 0Likes

      LMAO are you speechless?

      • iamfiercelove05
        Posted 12th June 2019 1:31 pm 0Likes

        Totally lol we have failed dismally

        • Amy
          Posted 13th June 2019 11:58 am 0Likes

          Wow Thembi. That’s deep. Coming from a background of molestation I hear you completely. I also got a laugh in my face and no action there after. We need to be the 1st line of defence for our Sisters and daughters.

  • victoriousnikki
    Posted 12th June 2019 10:36 am 0Likes

    #deepcovertissues. Thank you for telling it like it is!

  • Mbalenhle
    Posted 12th June 2019 3:01 pm 0Likes

    I loved every part of it.Thank you Thembi

    • Thembi Terry Zulu
      Posted 13th June 2019 6:18 am 0Likes

      Thank you for taking them time

  • 1dancequeendq
    Posted 13th June 2019 4:35 pm 0Likes

    There are also plenty of younger women who give older women a hard time. A young woman once said to “You’ve done so much, how will I ever catch up?” I pointed out that I was twenty years her senior, so in time she could well achieve what I had. Her response was “It’s not fair I want it now”. 🤔🙄

  • Chipo K
    Posted 13th June 2019 8:32 pm 0Likes

    The world needs more voices
    Iike yours.

  • Rumbi Mazhetese
    Posted 14th June 2019 12:12 pm 0Likes

    Hard truth. The only time I worked under a female boss, I loved it. I was lucky. At first I was apprehensive because of the stories I had heard, but it was a pleasant surprise how we made a good team. And to be honest, I was almost one of those females who didn’t properly mentor a female intern but I then realised that I was doing her an injustice, and changed my ways (she also changed her attitude as a result of my change in behaviour), now she’s like a younger sister to me. Problem is we don’t want to be told the truth about where we are going wrong so we can correct ourselves – very few of us can take the truth and change for the better. That’s one difficult thing I have had to do – accept criticism as painful as it was, but it has made me a better person.

    If we women do not stand up and support each other in whatever communities we’re in then we are doomed in terms of making real impact in the world.

    • Thembi Terry Zulu
      Posted 17th July 2019 2:55 pm 0Likes

      I get very impatient as a person and I find teaching someone really tries my patience and I’ve been working on it as well cause I have so much to share with the younger generation.

  • Yeipyeng
    Posted 12th July 2019 4:50 pm 0Likes

    Somebody needed to shake this table. Well-done!

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