Isn’t dating such a time waster? Put in all the work and all of a sudden you break up and all you have is the pain and the memories. Curled up in the foetus position asking God to bring back lost lover.

Has dating for love also not worked out for you?

It could be that you’re doing it wrong.

The concept of dating has been misunderstood by mankind, women mostly. Dating doesn’t always lead to marriage. That’s why its different from courtship. Courtship is being in a relationship with marriage as the end goal. So then what is dating?

Dating is like the food tasting before the wedding. You sample all the dishes available and pick the ones to put on your menu. But the food you tasted doesn’t end up at the wedding. A whole new batch is made specifically for the wedding.

I’m not supportive of the dating thing but then should you opt for it. What can you get out of it since the matrimonial bliss is out of the equation?

(Enter all sorts of Gold-Digger ideologies here)

As Joan Armatrading once said, “Although the body needs love, there is more than one kind.” Same applies here. There are people that date because they are scared of being alone. There are people that date a person who’s good for their social standing.

Make dating work for you! Date somebody that makes you a better person. Somebody who adds value to your life. A person that opens you up to new experiences. Enjoy being in that relationship without fearing how it will end or if he’ll marry you. Date your person knowing it might not lead to marriage and be okay with that. During your relationship continue to build yourself into a better person so that when it ends you don’t feel like time and resources were wasted.

One of the things that I feel are beneficial about dating is being able to be free. When people fall in love they are scared of losing their lover and so they compromise on issues that are vital to them and are terrified to have conversations that are important because their partner might leave them.

When dating you can open up and speak up about everything. Don’t be shy to voice your opinion. Its easier to be brutally honest with someone you don’t care deeply about. And when it ends, ah well, that’s how dating goes. But right from the beginning its better to be clear if you’re dating or courting. A runner must know before he starts the race if its a sprint or a marathon to prepare accordingly.

PS: The writer is strongly against you sleeping with everyone you date.


  • Ashley
    Posted 22nd June 2016 11:57 am 0Likes

    The problem is that when you date,emotions are involved cannot separate the two.if you date someone who makes you a better person,happy,stronger,etc you are most likely to have an urge to be with them’s human nature.It’s rather unfortunate that the heart cannot put labels on such things in the same way the mind does.

    • Zulu Thembie
      Posted 19th July 2016 12:32 pm 0Likes

      Its very true hey. You remind me of my favourite Fifth Harmony song that says “I wish i could leave my heart out of this.”

  • Ashley
    Posted 22nd June 2016 12:06 pm 0Likes

    The problem is that the heart cannot put a label on such things in the same way the mind does.When you actually date someone who makes you a better person,makes you feel special etc,it is normal to have the desire to settle down with may lead to courtship,and courtship may not always lead to marriage.

  • Ancillar
    Posted 30th June 2016 2:12 pm 0Likes

    What a great read

    • Zulu Thembie
      Posted 19th July 2016 12:30 pm 0Likes

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read it.

    • Zulu Thembie
      Posted 19th July 2016 12:30 pm 0Likes

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read it.

  • Chef Rumbie
    Posted 14th August 2016 12:04 pm 0Likes

    Ps The Writer is correct. It’s often confusing because sometimes you are mislead, both parties can agree to courtship but one partner decides otherwise and strings you along for the ride. I understand where Ash is coming from too C=M but not always D=M sometimes C=D if the odds aren’t in your favour then a huge S (single)

  • Harrington
    Posted 14th August 2016 12:44 pm 0Likes

    yur so diverse guyz yu intrigue me….L.oV.e iz hard on my side

    • Thembi Terry
      Posted 16th August 2016 3:00 pm 0Likes

      Love is hard everywhere but keep hope alive

  • Harrington kaseke
    Posted 14th August 2016 12:47 pm 0Likes

    i liked that story very much!¡

    • Thembi Terry
      Posted 16th August 2016 2:59 pm 0Likes

      Thank you so much for your time.

  • Ash Gandawa
    Posted 17th February 2020 1:40 pm 0Likes

    Solid piece. I think we need to completely redefine the dating culture because we were raised to date for marriage. The idea of dating casually is demonized and so sternly frowned upon as being immoral. People should learn to freely meet and interact with other humans romantically without feeling obliged to make emotional commitments.

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