Your child’s life isn’t a reboot of your life.
When we were in high school, I’d hear a lot of my peers talking about how their career choices had already been picked out by their parents. The top 3 were becoming a doctor, an accountant or a teacher. All these occupations were held in the highest regard when our parents were growing up but nowadays being an Instagram baddie, rapper or social media influencer tops the list.
If you’ve ever seen Toddlers and Tiaras, you’ll understand how borderline toxic it is for your child to be living the parent’s dream. Most of those parents would have never cut it in the pageant industry and now they are living vicariously through their kids. I wonder how many kids genuinely want that life. Imagine having to contend with society’s impossible standards from such a young age. Tragic.
How about we parent kids from a blank slate?
Yeah, how about you take into cognizance that the child you have brought into this world isn’t you Season 2. Get to know them for who they are without trying to parent them from a place of your childhood traumas. This is how generational curses are passed down. Your bitterness, resentment and unhealed scars are the actual generational curses made by your hand.
I remember growing up, my mom was under a lot of self-inflicted pressure to never embarrass me at school. She would be dressed to the 9’s to attend school events. I never understood it. Until she told me how her father would show up to her school in farm gear and mud to boot. Literally, mud on his boots. She’d hide until the carpark had cleared before she could go home. She then assumed I’d be embarrassed of her and that wasn’t the case. I didn’t care about too much. I dress like a homeless person and know zero/zilch about style. I just enjoyed seeing her face in the crowd and hearing her cheer for me. The rest was trivial.
We need to put down the cross we assumed we have to bear and raise our kids brand new. Brand new ideas, brand new heart. Tailor make your child’s dreams based on their interests, talents and strengths. This will go a long way in avoiding conflicts, minimizing resentment and building stronger bonds between parents and children.