Most of my friendships deteriorated not because we fell out of love but because it felt like I was walking on thin ice and they were pussyfooting on eggshells around me. The situation got so awkward to the point where I didn’t know where we stand. Simply put, I felt unsafe.
I don’t know if it’s paranoia or intuition, but I can tell when someone isn’t being 100 with me. Especially if we’ve been friends for a while. I can tell when the vibe is not correct. Think about it, have you ever spoken to someone and you could feel that you were being ‘handled?’ The conversation wasn’t genuine and the other party was really picking their words. When this happens a couple of things start running through my mind.
If you can’t come to me, frankly and genuinely then I don’t think we’re meant to be friends. All this tells me is that you think our relationship is fragile and that I am too weak to handle your truth or perception. Either way, it’s not looking good and I’m gonna go until you grow a pair. Don’t hype me up on lies. If I’m wrong, say so. If I’m being a lot, say so.
My cognitive dissonance is aggressive. Any slight discomfort and I’m gone. I guess I don’t wanna be taken for a poes and that’s my defense mechanism. I don’t wanna wake up one day and regret not having paid attention to my gut feeling. I ignored it once before and I was BooBoo the fool.
I want people around me who can call it like it is. People who make me better. People who trust me with their feelings, ideas and insecurities. I can’t tell you how I’ll react but I promise you I’m gonna stay. What I can’t stand is the lies like Thandeka would say. All those conversations we’re not having, I’m aware of them. All those things you don’t mention to me, I’m not oblivious to them. There are parts of your life that you haven’t trusted me with, in a long time. You’ve given me the watered-down version of you and I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, we’re not okay. I signed up for the good, the bad and the ugly and this ain’t it friend.