I finally found true love! The god of Ciara’s love life had mercy on me.
Everybody knows all about relationships. Everywhere you look you’ll find relationship advice and if you go on Twitter, you’ll find the worst relationship advice. Its awful, right up there with advice from Steve Harvey.
Okay, now you know where not to look for advice but where did I find love?
It’s the funniest thing because when I found love, I wasn’t looking for it. I was on the prowl in these streets just being a nuisance to God’s sons. I was unbothered about commiting and settling down. I couldn’t even stay in one city or hold down a job for longer than 7 months. Then, love found me.
I was a mess.
So how did I find love?
I didn’t recognise it for what it was initially. When you speak to people in love they’ll tell you that when they first met their person, it wasn’t an instant love at first type situation. It was someone you wouldn’t usually look at that you gave a chance and BAM! somewhere along the line you fell in love.
Pastors would go as far as to say love at first sight symptoms are lust and infatuation.
Here are a few things that I feel have attributed to my fairytale love affair.
Break all the rules
There are a million reasons why, no one would pair my boyfriend and I even if one of us was a blutoogh dewice. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. The odds are stacked against us as to why we shouldn’t be together but for some reason it’s working for us. God works in mysterious ways. God is love. So yeah love moves in mysterious ways. Throw all common sense away and just go with it. Unless if he is married then by all means get all your sense back.
Focus on your person
I had to pay attention to the person that was in front of me. That means putting away what I had gone through before and loving like it hadn’t happened. I listened, I paid attention and I was present. I wasn’t off somewhere trying to discover the person he was before me or the husband that he might be in the future. I was here right here, right now. I discovered his love language. The things that he believes in and I was sold. Reminded me of my brother’s wedding when the pastor said, “Every man is a problem and as his wife, you need to decide if it’s you are the solution.” Thank God he wasn’t algebra because that could never be my problem. He was more like a riddle because words are my thing. 15 months later I’m still at it.
Mute all the voices
Yes, yes men are trash, I get that. But this was my trash. I was about to recycle this trash and build a love as unbreakable as Tupperware (see what I did there?) Thing is, all humans are different and you can’t paint them with the same brush. Who knows, he was probably trash to his exes but to me he aint none of that. People are like chemicals, we react differently when we are mixed with other people especially if they are the wrong fit. So don’t judge people by the experience they brought out of a human.
Give it all you’ve got
You can’t one leg in, one leg out with this stuff. It’s either you’re all in or not at all. Give it all you’ve got expecting nothing back. Not loyalty. Not a ring. Not a damn thing baby. Enjoy getting to know your person. Don’t waste the relationship wondering if they are cheating or if they will leave and then you get upset when they do exactly what you were predicting they would do. Don’t give more of yourself than you are comfortable with. This is how you end up feeling cheated when the relationship folds. Enjoy your relationship so that when it falls apart you can still have great memories instead of a feeling of loss.