Bumped into a story online about how Diddy is dating his son’s ex-girlfriend. I thought what in the Kalanga tradition is this?

We sat in the car and listened to Elliot justify that Lori Harvey is a baddie and that a young man can’t handle her. She needs matured males not like her other ex, Trey Songz. Apparently Steve Harvey’s daughter is so attractive that songs have been written about her. Must be nice.

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I brought the issue closer to home. I was perusing through my list of WhatsApp statuses once and saw an old man that I recognised. I replied the status and asked who that old man was to my contact. She then replied, “My best friend’s father.”

I knew the man.

He was the pest from my DM’s on social media always on the market for some hanky panky. I’ve seen him as many things, future sex offender and current sleaze but never once did I ever see him as a father.

In the same way the Crime channel has trained me to spot the facial features of a killer (yes, it’s a thing.) Life has taught me how to identify that a man is a sleaze by just looking at his hands. It’s the funniest thing. More often that not, they are nail biters. Bite the nail down to a stump. Their nail biting appetite is as insatiable as their sexual prowess. It’s like the nail biting is their version of the munchies.

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As an offspring, it’s really embarrassing to hear the sins of your father from the streets. You can’t confront him about it because probably fear and also you don’t wanna cause a scene and humiliate your mom who may or may not know what’s happening behind her back.

I don’t know if the kids are clever or the dads are sloppy or if it’s the universe’s way of “everything comes out eventually” but more and more kids are unveiling the sins of the father and it’s gonna get dirty. On Father’s Day people joke about, “I don’t want to post my father because lord knows who he is dating on here.” The joke is not a lie, this is happening.

I watched The Clovehitch Killer, it’s about how a son discovers that his father is a serial killer. He tries to deny the truth, even confronts his father but he finally catches his dad red-handed with an abducted woman. The father then tries to kill his son, and the son manages to end the reign of a serial killer. To protect his mom, he makes it seem like a camping accident.

With all these cases of violence towards women, some of these men are fathers, sons and husbands. How many family members know that the breadwinner has a problem? How many of them know that he is a sexual pest at work? A regular in the university campuses? But turn a blind eye because he is the father, the provider.

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I read the comments on the Mugabe boy’s tweet when his dad passed away. The worst things were under that tweet. Yes, he has said some dumb stuff, but haven’t we all once upon a time? His suffering can be majorly attributed to the man his father was. Now he is persecuted for the sins of the father. Now the father is gone but his confused legacy will forever haunt his kids.

I think the worst thing is waking up to news that a relative has been a part-time monster. As the family you also get the whiplash. Luyanda Botha is in jail but they burnt his home for the atrocities he inflicted on Uyinene. Now the whole family is suffering because a relative had diabolic urges welling up within him.

I think the whole thing of selfish fathers is worst on the young kids. There is nothing more brutal than school kids. They will say whatever they heard or saw in the media with added spice. You’re in prison for your crap but your child is right there with you as an outcast in society because you wanted to be a bad man R Kelly.

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Brené Brown in the Call to Courage describes shame as, “the feeling you’d get after walking out of a room full of people, and they all start saying such horrible, hurtful things about you that you don’t think you could ever walk back into the room and face them again.”

The people who have been bestowed the honour of being able to pass down the family name are the ones bringing shame to us all.

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