The Statement (Hypothetical)

My bags got stolen from a well known supermarket (name withheld til a logical conclusion is reached.) The matter could not be reported at the closest police station because its always closed. Its a common case of the will they, wont they?

Sunday I decide to go and report the matter in town. I was met with gross disinterest but bump that, I’d come this far already…I’m telling my story. As I begin my tale, they stop me and refer me back to the local station. One of them chuckles and says how the local station is always closed because the cops there shut themselves inside and pretend they aren’t there.

They toss the honour of taking my statement amongst themselves and finally he picks up a sheet of paper and asks for my details. I start to relay my story and he listens. He then starts writing it down interrupting himself to ask me yes/no questions. Finally he reaches the bottom of the page and hands me the sheet. He says read it and sign.

I was dumb founded! He had written his own version of events. I tried to correct him but he was like, “ah sha I can’t cancel all this. You’ll correct it later.” So I signed. Couldn’t let the guava sheet go to waste. They tell me to come tomorrow to fetch the docket number and I leave.

So, its tomorrow and I go back to fetch the docket. More gross disinterest. They tell me kuti nope it takes 7 days for the docket to be processed and sent back to the local station. In my mind I’m like even if the messenger must walk to deliver it, it could not possibly take 7 days. In a week the trail would have gone cold. All my stuff would have been sold by then.

Here’s my conclusion, them poppops couldn’t catch nothing even the flu. And thus I must pursue alternative forms of justice. I am also considering a life in crime cause even if I confess and leave my address they still couldn’t catch me. They couldn’t close a case even if it was a door.

SMH