Is it possible for you to pass an exam if you didn’t understand the question? Or is it possible for you to adequately carry out your duties if you didn’t properly grasp what was required of you? If you have ever had a conversation with someone who listened to respond instead of listening to comprehend, you’d understand the frustration.
So, as a wife, what is your understanding of a suitable helper?
Genesis 2:18 Now the LORD God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.”
There’s this tired meme online that basically says you can tell a lot about a person based on the way they treat waiters, helpers, and cleaners. And you know what? They aren’t wrong. As a wife, the way you treat your house help directly correlates to your perception of how you carry out your duties as your husband’s helper. If you exploit your helper, your mind won’t allow you to be a helper because it will never allow itself to be in a position to be exploited. If you truly understand what it means to help, and how crucial that role is, most of you would repent for the way you’ve been treating your helpers.
Proverbs 31:15 She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And assigns tasks to her maids.
During the festive season, roles are typically reversed and all of a sudden the helped becomes the helper. African wives will assume the roles that are usually carried out by their helpers for their in-laws. You would think this role reversal would teach wives to be kinder to the house help but nope! In January, they are back at it like a crack addict exploiting the house help. You can’t break the cycle because you are part of the problem.
John 16:7 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.
If you struggle with the concept of what a helper is and how they ought to be treated, you’ll fumble way more than your marriage. The wife isn’t the only helper in the Bible, the Holy Spirit is also a helper. If naturally as a person, you struggle with asking for help, that will translate into your relationship with the Holy Spirit. If your idea of help is being waited on your hand and foot, you’ll want to treat the Holy Spirit as an errand or ice boy, and that won’t yield your desired results. In fact, you might even grieve the Holy Spirit.
This year, we moved to a bigger space and I finally got to hire some house help. It’s my first time as a ‘madam’ and it’s such a learning curve. After I was such a Judge Judy about how women treat house help in my other blog post, I was curious to see how I would fair in this situation. You know in life, sometimes the pudding is in the tasting. For example, a woman may say, “my child won’t have screen time until they are five.” And what happens when the child actually comes becomes a whole different story. So sometimes you need to be in a situation IRL to truly see how you would react.
For one thing, I don’t expect superhuman strength from her. Honestly, I couldn’t do all this stuff on my own, and that’s why I needed to hire extra hands. I don’t expect the impossible from her. I think when we start to see helpers as people, we wouldn’t be so hard on them. You can clearly see that the helper in your home couldn’t further her education due to financial constraints. And yet you expect them to be a Michelin star chef, a Montessori level child carer with a degree in hospitality and housekeeping.
Colossians 4:1 Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.
At work, you would like to be compensated fairly and yet you don’t pay the house help even the minimum wage. If at work they asked you to work overtime, there’d be an uproar, but your house help is expected to pull 12-hour shifts every day. You can’t even let them observe the Sabbath because your world would absolutely fall apart. Do we forget that there is a God in heaven, guys, or He is only for you and not the helper in your house? Not only do you pay little, you don’t even do that on time. Do helpers have a different calendar where back to school is on a different date and rent isn’t due on the first? Some of you will even be having the money but because of your heart of stone, you just don’t like to see anyone else happy or having joy. You get a contact high from oppressing the help.
Proverbs 3:27-28 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbour, “Come back tomorrow, and I’ll give it to you”— when you already have it with you.
There is a need for repentance and recalibrating what being a helper means. Some of the struggles you are facing in life don’t need deliverance but just a change of heart. A curse without cause won’t stick, but the way we mishandle the helpers in our homes leaves us wide open to the wiles of the enemy. Jesus died for you and the person helping you in your home. Treat them with grace. If your home was run like your big girl job, with an HR department, how differently would you treat your house help?
Proverbs 14:21 He who despises his neighbour sins [against God and his fellow man], But happy [blessed and favoured by God] is he who is gracious and merciful to the poor.
WhatsApp me and let me know if you’d like a Part 2 of this ‘Suitable Helper’ series.
