o-wedding-checklist-facebookAs this highly coveted milestone draws near, I decided that maybe I should write down my vision so that the in-laws don’t get it twisted. My wedding day will not be a day for me to stick it to the haters that said it would never happen. I don’t like you so best believe that I will not start my married life in debt just to feed you. I don’t have a point to prove. Neither will my wedding be a publicity stunt for people I don’t know to come and take selfies and give me lavish gifts just to show off how much money they have. Here’s my thinking, when I marry, the guy must already have his things together. If he was counting on wedding gifts then clearly he wasn’t ready.

Anyway, so on the 31st August in the coming near future, I will be wed at the Sandy Jones Centre. This is an orphanage that looks after girls. The venue is perfect because before it was an orphanage, it was a pathetic attempt at being a hotel. Clearly that building is cursed to be a non-profit organisation.

My guests shall be the orphans from four of the largest orphanages in Bulawayo. I want to share my special day with people that will truly appreciate it. Chances are these children will probably never experience a wedding up until their own weddings. My theme stems from that story in the bible where that guy got all the paupers rounded up for the feast or whatever. Something like that.

@AraKaniCo originals

@AraKaniCo originals

The dress will be an @AraKaniCo original. Designed by the one and only @uNcubeOthungayo. Dear God, I hope he’ll be over that black and white phase by then. Daddy will be all over this cause his name is also Nkululeko. Catering by Dickies #TeamSadza4Life. Entertainment will be by an overrated comedian that I know, Lord knows he is childish enough, the kids will love him.

Then, after sundown, we’ll have a dinner for close friends and family. If you don’t know who the aspiring groom is then clearly you don’t qualify. The fact that I’d rather spend my special day with strangers should already be a signal of how I  rate most of you or lack thereof.