I’d like to start with a quick disclaimer that I am in no way being dismissive of your feelings. Neither am I policing what you can or cannot feel. This article is just to say that the following statements have been used to hurt women in the past and it’s time we took the sting out of them and let them rest for the tired insults that they are.

You’re unmarried

There’s nothing special about marriage. I would know. I woke up the day after my wedding expecting superpowers or something but none came. There’s really no prize for getting married. Not many people will tell you that. I just did so keep that in mind when the relatives are on your case about getting married. If someone ever says to you, “That’s why you’re not married.” You have my permission to beat their ass. Then pretend wasviikirwa (you’re possessed.)

Being childless 

This is the epitome of “due to circumstances of my control.” Honey, this is literally the one thing that’s in God’s hands alone. The devil hasn’t been able to figure out how to make his own people. That’s why he uses the weaklings as vessels. But if someone throws this in your face, the problem is with them and not you. 

I’ve had a guy say to me, “You’re too old to not have had your first child, you’ll end up having kids that have Down Syndrome.” The actual word he used was “indrayi.” Unfortunately, it’s a misconception that most people have when you delay being a mom. Take note, that those same people will not be there for labour pain, late night feeding, diaper changes and the financial responsibilities of that child. Do it when you are good and ready.

What you’re doing with your body parts

You can do whatever you want with your body. WHATEVER! There’s no permission slip for someone else to sign for you to throw that ass back to whomever you choose. If you want to post your body on Instagram, you can. If you want to do boudoir photoshoots, you may. If you decide to go underwater for initiation school, that’s all on you. You can bleach it, chop and change it as you so wish. The body was given as an earthly home for you. You’re not subleasing from anyone else, they have their own to do with as they see fit.

Your size/Your look

If you’re happy with the way you look, then what anybody else says is no longer a factor. I’ve been shamed for being heavier, my sisters get shamed for being thin. Zulugirl the 3rd was once told that she was, “slender like a snake,” by vendors. What this proves is that no one is safe. You can’t make everyone happy, it’s not your lot in life to. You’re on this earth to make yourself happy. Once you’re comfortable in your skin, their words can’t touch you. You don’t owe anyone a squat or a push-up, do what feels good for you.

That a man left you

He made his decision and you carried the consequences thereof, why? Humans are unpredictable, sovereign creatures. Men are selfish and he probably left for selfish reasons. Selfish by definition means that he wasn’t even thinking of you when he made his decision. Men write cheques that women have to cash. If he walks away, you walk away in the opposite direction like Abraham and Lot. Don’t be stuck with the cheque just because he’s had his fill and left you there to clean up the mess. Lawe leave the mess. If anyone calls you a, “Returned Soldier,” you’re allowed to go full Chimurenga on them.

If you’ve ever received any of the above slurs, I sincerely apologise. I know how deep they can sting and how it can fester for many years. I also know that you can work through the pain and overcome the hurt to start living your best life. You deserve happiness. 

Challenge: Write down all the slurs that deeply hurt you and explain how they have affected you in your everyday life. From there, repent from them and choose to let them go and to leave them in the past where they belong.