You’re Not Fooling Anyone

You thought the most stubborn thing is a donkey that’s been taken to the river and won’t drink? Clearly you’ve never met a young girl that’s cocksure that she is in love. (I used the word cock on purpose.)

Our mothers and sisters have seen it all. The brocode has never changed and it’s passed on from generation to generation. The same game they ran on your grandma is the same playbook used to confuse your mind today. The game hasn’t changed and as women, neither have we. Look at the responses below:

https://twitter.com/kelvin_beatz1/status/1090531537483902976

Do you know what also buttresses the brocode? The romantic movies, no doubt written by the bros (Warner is my guess), about how women can change or tame a promiscuous man. It hardly ever happens. Thing is, now that I’m in my 30s everything my mother tried to tell me is coming into perspective. This whole time I thought I was the real MVP of the game, I realise I was only playing myself like a game of Solitaire.

https://giphy.com/gifs/season-14-the-simpsons-14×3-3orifaNRnUZHSFycjS

You’re not fooling anyone. You don’t have a job but you have money for cosmetics. Should we assume that there are beauticians that are giving away free services? You haven’t finished school but you think you know all there is to know about the world? You think you are so smart and that you are pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes. No sis, you’re just threading a rope with which you will hang yourself (Used figuratively and not to glamourise self harm.)

Thing is with young ones, they think we just wanna rain on their parade, or that we are kill joys. In Ndebele there’s a proverb that says, “imbuzi yomyanga ikhala ilandela amakhanka.” Meaning, the goat of a pauper following the hyena. You think being with the pauper is bad but the hyena will devour you whole. A hyena that you followed willingly by your own free will. If you don’t believe me, how did the real life story of the Pied Piper of RnB who lured young girls with his music play out?

https://giphy.com/gifs/r-kelly-contagious-ronald-isley-DwY28fKnBV1OU

What sucks is that these Pied Pipers don’t even initiate the conversation to separate the girl from her family. Nope, more often than not, she is so smitten, she volunteers to Ruth it and leave everything behind to follow the Pied Piper. He’s thinking, okay free house maid and intercourse on the regular. She ditched her family so whatever I say goes. I am the provider so I’m the Earth, Wind and Fire for this girl. She’s above 18 so I can’t go to jail for it. I didn’t ask her, she came on her own. All this for free-ninety-nine. Why the hell not?

https://giphy.com/gifs/21QQPJ3AGHEKhLkeh7

Have you ever heard the term, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” I really dislike this term for so many reasons but the fact that it exists is the whole summary of this blog post. Back to Ndebele proverbs about goats, there’s one that says, “Okule mpondo akufihlwa emgodleni/ Rinemanyanga hariputirwe mumushunje”. Direct translation is, “What’s horny cannot be hidden in the sack.” (You can’t tell but I’m laughing so hard right now. Direct translation is too funny.) Basically, what it means is that nothing stays hidden forever. The truth always comes out. Where you have sown, you shall reap and unfortunately the consequences of being horny in the sack are public for everyone to see.

https://twitter.com/Thabang_Mr_Nare/status/984467934868398081

Don’t get me twisted, I’m not judging anyone. I was young too once. Again, cock sure that I was in love. Got pregnant, twas ectopic, parents were mad and I kid you not, all I was thinking was, “He is different. He loves me. You don’t know anything about him. He won’t ditch. Nothing you will say can destroy our love.” The stitches on my operation hadn’t even healed yet when the guy pulled a Houdini and left. By the time the medical bills were cleared by my parents, the guy had clocked two different relationships one of them being holy matrimony. This experience has posed the biggest dilemma in my life, am I glad the pregnancy was ectopic so I wouldn’t have to raise twins alone or would I have been better off with my left fallopian tube intact and twin babies running around? We’ll never know.