Oh my gosh, Becky look at her butt!

When the butt cushion phase came I let it slide. I just thought its a silly fad surely people would regain their senses. And it seems to have worn itself out of fashion.


I started thinking, why would women buy these things in the first place?

Truth is, it’s because we have no affordable plastic surgeon in Zimbabwe. If we had one, they’d be raking in the money especially if its a black market one. Zimbabweans have a thing for the black market.

Does this mean that they aren’t trying to enlarge their assets?

By no means. Necessity is the mother of invention. Peddlers on Facebook groups claim to have pills that will grow your butt. The pill costs US$1 but you need 60 pills. That’s where they getcha! Do the pills work? I haven’t a clue. I’ve never met anyone that has used them. You see, people will be morphing right in front of your very eyes and they expect you to not notice. Skin bleachers been on it for years. I’m just supposed to believe that you woke up like this?

Surely pills aren’t the only way

Quite recently I bumped into a picture on Instagram of a media personality and she had clearly cinched her waist with some PhotoShop or an app like it. How do I know? The background was bendy, it defied nature. It was funny to look at it. But Thembi, its her waist not her butt. Smaller waist, makes a butt look bigger, its basic proportion or optical illusion. I don’t know I majored in art not science.

Can you answer the million dollar question?

Unlike the influencers that claim to be incessantly asked for their beauty routines, people really do ask if squats will make their butt bigger. I wouldn’t know, I have no lower body strength. To be fair I have no body strength and no mental strength. I can’t get past 5 squats. So I’ll never know if they work. But, I do know that some girls that are well endowed need to squat to keep the butt where it needs to be not somewhere mid thigh with no definition. To whom much butt is given, much maintenance is required.

Why do people need bigger butts?

I haven’t a clue. Thank you for that question, next!

Would you enlarge your butt?

Never in a million years would I enlarge my butt. I have a list of things that I’d like to see a plastic surgeon for and that isn’t one of them and if my family genes are anything to go by, I won’t need assistance in that area. What girls with big butts will tell you is that it brings unnecessary attention and harassment. You become a flytrap for perverts. That’s the downside of having a booty. Some women enjoy this attention but that could never be my life. I like being invisible.

While I’m still here I’d like to highlight that Sarah Baartman was an African woman with a “protruding” butt and for that she was made into a freak show all her life and even in death she was placed in a museum for people to oogle and stare. The big butts that women are dying to get come with their own problems but I guess you won’t know til you get the butt will you?

Women in media know that the male gaze can’t resist big butts and have done things to augment their features to this effect. Using the attention for themselves. As long as the women are choosing to get on the table and its their choice then so be it. This is what we mean by pro-choice. What we don’t want is the case of TLC Unpretty when the man tells the woman what to change on her body.


Some of these butt jobs have gone wrong, some we hear about some we’ll never know about. Remy Ma spilt tea that Meek Mill had told her that Nicki Minaj’s butt popped. Will we ever know for sure, maybe, maybe not. But K Michelle did come out and talk about her near death experience when her butt job went Botched on her.