This blog has been a long time coming. Tea anyone? I wanted to write this because you know, I like women’s issues and I have found some glitches within myself that I have been working on and I am impressed with the results. This blog post was sparked by a YouTube video I watched about healing wounded femininity and it really struck cords with me. In the video, she tells us how she judged other women and how this judgment kept her from living the life that she wanted. I’ll put the video right at the end if you want to see it. There’s something in it for everyone regardless of your religion.

Why do people resent that which they covet the most?

I see this a lot towards the slay queens. And I am confused, deep down, I personally don’t want to break my back at a full time job when there’s all-expenses-paid trips up for grabs. If we had all the money we needed, most of us would stop working altogether. I know I would. I would become a travel vlogger and be Dora the Explorer on some else’s tab.

This mentality is the same one behind men who get curved by women and start spreading vicious rumours about those women. It’s almost like being denied something is an insult to you. We didn’t ask you to stay with a broke man who doesn’t buy you anything just because your moral high ground wouldn’t allow. Is the slay doing her business with your body parts? Is her business any of your business? Also can we take a moment to recognise how hard it is to be a slay queen? The poop eating in Dubai, to the uncle Ronalds, and the work/discipline that goes into keeping their bodies snatched? Don’t lie to yourself, you can’t even turn down a Pepsi to save your life.

When you feel ugly feelings towards another woman, it’s time to work

I went to high school with a girl who brought out the worst inside of me. I couldn’t stand her shem. I’d just feel my blood pressure escalating every time she came into contact with me. I tried to look for imperfection but I couldn’t find it. Years after we left school she sent me a friend request on Facebook and I don’t know what I was thinking when I accepted it because now I couldn’t stand to open my own Facebook account. Zuckerberg’s algorithm made sure sis was always in my face. Hayi, I had to unfriend and block. I couldn’t risk being in contact again.

When I began the inner work, I had to revisit the thought of Sis and find out why she made me want to swallow a sword. This hurt more that chewing razors because I had to be truly honest with self. The truth was Sis was perfect. You know those ones who are God’s favourite, yeah Sis has a private line to Jesus. And that made me upset because the biggest question was, “why is my life the Book of Revelations when hers is the Philippians?”

I sat down, listed all the things I felt were wrong with my life and made a vow that I will give those things to myself and my children. I haven’t met a girl who made me feel this way since. Will I unblock her? I don’t know, just because you quit crack should you try it again?

We need to heal from the PTSD of women who have hurt us before

Most of us have have PTSD and I am ashamed to say that most of it is from the Mother Wound. Mothers caused some damage when they were raising daughters and it’s starting to become apparent. The Mother Wound is the generational curse that has been passed down from one woman to the next. When was the last time your mother told you that you’re beautiful? I lived in Harare with a woman who would degrade her daughter for the hell of it. Just walk in the door and say to the daughter, “why are you dressed like a whore? I don’t want teen pregnancies in my house.” She wasn’t even dressed in skimpy clothes. Just normal teenage girl clothes which the mother bought.

Based on previous experiences where women hurt us, we became defensive and the walls came up. Personally for me, I am working on bringing my guard down because in the words of Big Sean, “if you move too quick, I might take it as a threat.” When approaching me, walk slow, maintain eye contact and keep your hands where I can see them the whole time. I feel like the world is out to get to me. Paranoia isn’t a comfortable feeling. My mind is always creating scenarios about how women don’t like me. It’s the reason why I withdraw and become cold because I don’t know how creative you’ll get with hurting me.

These are some of the things we need to start dealing with if we are going to become better women. It’s a game of learning and unlearning, leaving and healing. It’s gonna hurt like MoFo but it’s like labour pain for your rebirth and the breaking of generational curses to ensure a better world for our kids.