I have noticed that every time I set my boundaries people (male and female) are bitter about it like I have said something dull like #AllLivesMatter. Whenever you speak up to check someone on something, watch how they react. Whether it’s don’t call my phone at strange hours or don’t take a tone with me, the person on the other side automatically feels attacked and that relationship can be decimated in that moment.
“All relationships need boundaries. A boundary is an imaginary line that separates me from you. They separate your physical space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Your boundaries also tell other people how they can treat you – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Without boundaries, people may take advantage of you because you haven’t set limits about how you expect to be treated.” – Sharon Martin
It’s almost like y’all like to trample all over the black woman and when she draws a line in the sand, you feel like she stepped on your corns. You want her to take all the crap you throw her like a pit-latrine. This never ending hole for you to dump your toxicity into. Why is that?
“The most disrespected person in America is the black woman.” – Malcom X
Please take no for an answer
I have been struggling with this personally. NO is a hard thing for me because of the emotional blackmail that ensues more often than not. I do not want to be convinced, I just want you to leave me alone. Don’t ask me twice. Don’t make snide remarks while being passive aggressive. I have made a decision that’s best for me and you need to be okay with that.
Respect my silence
When I am quiet, I am not being snobbish or rude. Sometimes I have a lot on my mind and sometimes I really have nothing to contribute to the conversation. It doesn’t mean we are beefing, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Neither does it infer that I have an attitude problem. If you didn’t have an over-inflated sense of self, you wouldn’t be hurt by my need to hold my peace.
Please note there is a whole publication that’s touched because they don’t have access to Beyoncé’s financial records which they need in order to determine her net worth.
And then they call us angry and aggressive
I hate the stereotype that the black woman is angry all the time. You would be too if you were her. The oppressed will always have frustration welling up inside of them and one day it will surely blow. If you heard the black woman the first time, she wouldn’t have to repeat herself. Of course I’m going to yell if I feel like you aren’t hearing my indoor voice. Every day we are just supposed to take the nonsense handed to us no questions asked, I’m enraged.
I respect rules
I am a stickler for the rules and things with order. If you have worked with me, you know this. I take my work very seriously. So when you are laissez faire and flout all guidelines set, we’re gonna have a problem. People who don’t respect rules are having parties during a global pandemic. When the intern sends me the content plan for the month, he knows I won’t accept anything below standard. He will rework it until it’s done. He understands that it’s for the greater good on both our sides. I AM NOT BEING DIFFICULT.
I am not being difficult when I enforce the rules in the WhatsApp group I created. I am not being difficult when I turn down your advances. I am not being difficult when I ask you not to make physical contact with me. I am not being difficult when I say I got a man. I am not being difficult when I refuse to be sexually harassed.
All the blog posts about my boundaries have always caught on fire in my inbox.
I cost what I cost: https://thembiterry.co.zw/youd-better-have-my-money/
I do not do free speaking engagements: https://thembiterry.co.zw/the-bare-minimum-i-expect-when-im-booked/
My name is spelled correct or else I won’t respond: https://thembiterry.co.zw/spell-my-name-spell-my-name/
You had better not text me in shorthand: https://thembiterry.co.zw/4-how-not-to-text-thembi-terry/
I do not owe you a response: https://thembiterry.co.zw/get-off-my-case-im-not-ignoring-you/
I have a phone policy please don’t violate that: https://thembiterry.co.zw/my-phone-usage-policy-and-why-i-dont-respond/
A black girl’s boundaries aren’t an act of war. Do you understand that?
Listen… people feel that the Black woman should just drop her entire life and run to the aid of everyone who asks. From the CEO of a company, to the muroora, you must not have a life, it must be spent serving everyone. This needs to change.